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Don't Want To Be Little Again

Posted by IsoM on January 3, 2002, at 15:15:18

In reply to wish i was little again, posted by ELA on January 3, 2002, at 11:22:52

I'm still little. I tell people who know me well that I'm still ten years old in my heart - & I am. I still try to catch moths, will run nto the house with a new, pretty bug to show my sons, I'll still roll in the grass 'cause it feels good.

Sad thing is when I was young, my fears & worries were very real to me. I had a very domineering father who punished the smallest mistakes we made. Being the only girl in a family of boys didn't get me any extra privileges either. My father thought girls didn't count. I honestly remember hiding a heavy metal vase in bed beside me at night to club him with if I needed to.

I know now (he passed away in '88) he never really meant any harm. He just had a brutal, hard life & didn't know how to give love. But when I was small & he'd "prowl" around our beds at night, I though he meant to kill us - honestly! I found out years later, he was just checking to make sure we were properly covered & tucked in but he never showed love so I was terified of him. We all were.

My Mom on the other hand, was so sweet & patient with us all. My father never held me or gave me hug or kiss, even when I was little but my Mom showered us with love. To her, us kids were the best thing in the world. I thank her all the time for it.

Sorry to get so off-track from the original post about wanting to be a little kid again, but I'd never want to go back. I prefer my "childhood" now.


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