Posted by sar on November 3, 2001, at 21:40:31
In reply to Re: breakdowns » kid_A, posted by paxvox on October 31, 2001, at 7:39:30
just wanted to thank everyone who responded to this thread...some of the messages absolutely bowled me over and brought me to near-tears.
i refer to last fall as "when i got sick." i lost my ability to read, woke up everyday feeling exhausted and would immediately begin crying. i'd sob and smoke for awhile, then stare at the yellow pages for gunshops. could not decide whether or not to settle my warrant so that i'd pass the background check to obtain the gun.
a few months later i dropped some acid and was deeply suicidal the entire trip. it was, as jay put it awhile back, soulbreaking. i knew for sure i was ready to die. when the acid wore off i became frantic, wrote about ten pages, smoked a half-pack of cigarettes, drove 90 miles in a daze, then went home and turned on the gas and the stereo. i was going to die listening to phish (which makes me smile now--bittersweetly). after a couple of hours my roomies caught me and i became even more frantic, ran out for a six pack of beer and showed them my favorite children's book, trying to act like everything was normal in spite of the gas-filled house (i didn't know you actually had to put your head in the oven). i called my boyfriend over, kissed him passionately, told him to get his hands off me and shoved him out the door.
the next morning i packed my things up and drove home to my parents house.
i don't know if that counts as a breakdown.
poster:sar
thread:13047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/13419.html