Posted by mila on August 12, 2001, at 17:47:02
In reply to More on aloneness, posted by AKC on August 12, 2001, at 13:34:40
Hi AKC,
i do not think that you have done it to yourself. Much of your social isolation/aloneness has been brought upon you by depression which is obviously something next to impossible to control by sheer will. The horrible paradox of depression is that it makes us avoid people, and that being surrounded by loving and caring people helps us heal and survive the depression. Those who are lucky have friends who stick with them throughout the decades of depression and rages. Others I guess have to pray that the medication will pull them out of hell and give them their extraversion back.
When I was depressed and suffered from social anxiety my salvation was my family, coworkers, and people in public places. Just being submerged in the body of the crowd and not particularly talking to anyone would have made a difference. Today I go through periods of intense loneliness willingly because my goals demand it. But I take phone numbers of nice people that I meet along the road, and contact them all on my vacations or Saturdays, when my goal is socializing as much as possible. I have noticed that when I am depressed or deeply introverted my face and my whole body are sending very uninviting messages. When I am relaxed and extraverted, strangers tend to initiate conversations with me, and I myself strike conversations easily and frequently with strangers. I am totally convinced that the right medication can make just about anyone very extraverted and outgoing. Paxil did this to me, and I haven't been this way since age 11. The change was amazing. Although it was gone with subsequent medications, I remembered the pattern of behavior it caused, and the attitude it brought with itself. so, when I went off meds I replay them willfully as needed.
All this is to say that although it is rather difficult to find a friend just when we need them within minutes, the task is much easier when we do some preparatory work every day. Gather phone numbers of nice people as you meet them and tell them that you like them and will call them when you'll have a more ample opportunity to enjoy a cup of coffee in their company. thus you will never run out of options.
BHW, if I were you, I would still go out and treat myself with a nice dinner. Chat with people in bar, sit at the nice table, be served, have a small talk with the waitress, be surrounded by murmurs of other people... all this will be a relief and a gift on their own. Friends are cool, but other people around us can also be very nice to have. Just exchanging a few words or a short conversation with someone sitting on the same bench in the park has always been very pleasant to me. I also happen to know a couple of gourgeous masseuses with soothing hands, melodic voices, and strong but gentle personalities. One hour on their table ... and I smile for days afterwards. my body remembers... would you like to give it a try?
best wishes
mila
poster:mila
thread:9358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9375.html