Posted by cole on April 7, 2001, at 1:54:24
In reply to Re: Another Dissociative Here » Craig, posted by judy1 on April 6, 2001, at 15:11:05
Hey guys,
I'm having a little deja vu here since I posted earlier, but either I forgot to hit the "confirm post" bar, or something went wrong.
I just wanted to join the discussion on dissociation.
I would say that I am primarily concerned with my anxiety and depression, because the dissociation doesn't occur when they are under control. Regardless, the experience of that zone I go into is very unlike any other part of my illness. I will get this feeling that I really screwed up, or someone hurts my feelings, and I get into this haze where I tend to say the same thing over and over in my head (or out loud if I'm alone), and I often end up injuring my self and then I feel "normal" again.
I've seen dissociation involved in so many different disorders that it really makes me wonder where in the brain it is originating. My boyfriend has tourette's and OCD and he also goes into a state that we jokingly call "rational man" because in his mind he is being completely rational, and everyone else is crazy. I guess his would be better described as a "rage"; he gets manipulative and borders on being verbally abusive when I try to throw some reality into the discussion/argument/whatever you call taking to a person who isn't completely within reality. The unfortunate thing is that when he's back to normal he feels really stupid for his behavior, because he can be quite hurtful. We generally agree that if this begins while we are on the phone I hang up on him, and if we are in person I also try to "hang up", and leave until he's gotten back to normal. The last time I dissociated (if I am using the appropriate term/ I'm pretty sure that's what is going on) was a result of 1) the two of us drinking and 2)my response to "rational man". alcohol completely brings "rational man" out of hiding. He was in his "state" and was really hurtful towards me, I then wandered off repeatedly asking myself what I had done to deserve the situation I was in, and broke out of the haze after picking a piece of broken glass off the sidewalk and slashing my hand with it. He's since started taking sesrzone, and I think it's helping with the rages.
I read through most of the thread and craig's hx, am I correct that both of you have histories of abuse? I can see where dissociation could arise from that experience as a coping mechanism; but I have no such history in my memory (and I also remember my childhood very well). When I discussed this topic with my father on the phone tonight he mentioned my little sister's night terrors, which he feels are similar somewhat. She would wake up (but she wasn't really awake, or even herself) and she was like a little zombie. My parents would follow her around the house in the middle of the night, because it was practically impossible to break her out of the state she was in, and she would get extremely agitated at times. I wonder if her terrors and my self injury are variations of the same problem.
It just seems there are a number of variations on that theme of a break from "reality". Anyways, I've probably bored you to tears but I was excited to see people discussing this. Not a lot of people like to discuss these experiences, especially when they lead to self injury.
cole
poster:cole
thread:5246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5544.html