Posted by judy1 on March 30, 2001, at 10:38:47
In reply to Panic and Dissociation » judy1, posted by Craig on March 30, 2001, at 3:56:59
Actually I noticed right away that you are one of the few people who post in the middle of the night. While I'm awake then, I am in no shape to post. Once I have a panic attack (usually 2-3am- and that apparently is one of the requirements of panic disorder- they come out of nowhere and very often include nocturnal attacks). While I don't always dissociate after a panic attack, I probably do with the majority of them. I also dissociate often in the day and lose quite a bit of time then. I think my cutting may serve the purpose that hitting walls did for you- it brings me out of that state. While it is an extreme way to do it, it works. I probably am getting some other benefits from it that outweigh the shame I feel, the scars, the reactions of the ER physicians and even the so-called professionals- psychiatrists. There aren't too many people in the mental health field that understand self-injury; Noa had recommended a book by Steven Levenkron that has been a huge help to me. (So Noa, if you're reading this, thank you).
While I think that's interesting that your pdoc said abusing substances worsens dissociation in bipolar disorder, that hasn't been the case for me. I can see marijuana doing it- I think most people w/o any mental health problems zone out on marijuana. While there is definitely a genetic component to my bipolar disorder, I think dissociation has developed as a coping skill for me and a very effective one in childhood that supposedly I no longer need. But until I have other skills to replace it, then I guess it stays. The huge problem is the cutting- if you don't know you are doing it, how do you stop? Even ridding my house of sharp objects doesn't prevent me from getting more (and not even being aware of that action). So the point is not to dissociate in the first place, to delve into places I don't want to go (REALLY don't want to go) and use the skills of my therp to help me work through them. I am not anywhere close to that point.
I asked my pdoc to giv me something that wouldn't allow me to wake during the night- and he said if he did that I would be a zombie. Probably mellaril, etc.
I think if I had a history like yours of 17 years! in therapy with no improvement, I would never go near another therp. My shrink, who has my trust, does meds and therapy. He just felt I would be more comfortable with a woman discussing certain issues. While she has helped me with some of the coping skills that I had mentioned, I don't have the trust like I do with my shrink. He has said he will be patient with me and work at my pace, so I don't even make appts in advance- I just call when I feel I can talk and he works me in. I realize how fortunate I am to have him.
I don't want you to feel obligated to answer me, but if you feel well enough to it does help me and I thank you for that- judy
poster:judy1
thread:5246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5376.html