Posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 9:51:54
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? Plz elaborate DREAMER, posted by Dubya on March 24, 2001, at 23:42:26
> Please elaborate your experience.
> >
> > I'm human most of the time and wasted alot of time suffering the anxiety of conforming,of being liked i didn't suffer with loneliness alone just with other people. Have you seen 'The Prisoner' it's on sci-fi at the moment .Well,firstly i find difficulty when writing-go off on different tangents but here goes,
Socially I have been afraid to be myself for fear of others thinking Im mad it's that puzzled expression on their face that makes me self -conscous and give up conversing although i have alot of interesting things to say something scrabbles the thoughts in my head on the way to my mouth.
Found petty talk tiring[not that I'm an intellect far from it]and those social games,false smiles time wasting.I don't dislike people it's just that I find I have nothing in common with them.I've never followed trends dress wise or musically not that I wear grey cardigans and elasticated flares and jig to the carpenters.
I'm eccentric,too lively and the rest of the time too miserable-I am an ultra rapid cycler with no breaks on my bike.
There's also the manic sex thing that gets in the way of friendships but this is somewhat tamed by effexor.
Drinking ALOT became my crutch and remains the only cure for my social phobia it actually motivated me to go out but for two years Ive been sober and luckily alive but now I have no social interests.Going outside usually brings on a manic attack.I paint,design on pc and play violent pc games when I'm having a bad day and have a flatmate to confuse so I'm not unhappy.
Rarely i feel connected to people it used to frustrate me and the self hatred and abuse nearly killed me.Instead of following the sheep I stay behind and wait for the grass to grow and have the whole field to myself.I often veiw the world as a tacky logo driven trivial junkyard with no real heroes and no inspiration, maybe Im too sensitive have a heightened awareness who knows Iv'e spent years self analizing chasing my own tail now i'm beginning to accept me and also to eccept others for who they are maybe I'll reach that nirvana or whatever when I'm 104 and die with a big grin on my face.
Hoping this elaborates'feel free to write.
poster:dreamer
thread:5240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5266.html