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Re: Conflict » pegasus

Posted by obsidian on March 28, 2011, at 21:19:48

In reply to Re: Conflict, posted by pegasus on March 28, 2011, at 12:22:15

> I think this is an interesting thing to bring up here. I believe you are not alone, sid, in the way you respond to conflict, or in your history with it. And . . . I also know there are people here who have a very different relationship with conflict. Which can lead, I think, to some weird dynamics at times. And by weird, I mean potentially scary, frustrating, and confusing, among other things.

yeah, that's what I mean. For myself, I tend to avoid it if at all possible. Sometimes I feel compelled to be a protector. It bothers me too when it feels like it is just about attacking. I suppose that's why the civility rules haven't really ever bothered me. I have too much experience with unchecked aggression.
I kind of wish I could tolerate more conflict...the kind that doesn't end in trying to destroy the other person.
I also tend to think that conflict can lend a certain kind of honesty and ultimately greater closeness/comfortability with people. Being comfortable with people is not something I am good at. I wish it were different.

> My personal history leads me to appreciate a vigorous argument/debate, but I am also pretty sensitive to perceived anger or judgement/ridicule, especially in a few really vulnerable areas. Mostly I'm good with the debate I see here, and I very rarely feel attacked or put down. It's not uncommon for me to see exchanges where posters end up feeling hurt, and I don't get why exactly. I think it can be due to variations in how thick our skins are. I believe that my skin is generally on the thicker side, except in some specific vulnerable areas.

I agree. We have different sore spots. Many things that bother others just don't even catch my attention. ...but then there are my sore spots

> After I wrote the above, though, I wanted to rephrase the "thick skin" notion. But I'm finding it hard to rephrase, which means, I think, that I'm not clear in my own mind about what I mean.

thicker in some areas than others?

> Is this the type of thing you're getting after, sid?

something like this, yes. I can't articulate it well now.
my anxiety is wickedly high right now :-(
very unpleasant

thanks pegasus :-)


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