Posted by TherapyGirl on February 16, 2009, at 18:27:37
In reply to Re: Therapy last night ******CSA Trigger*********, posted by DAisym on February 15, 2009, at 19:42:41
Thank you, Daisy. Your post is beautifully written, as always, and somehow you make what I'm turning into sound okay and not permanent, just like my T. It's funny because when I was reading the paragraph about you feeling uncomfortable around your son, I was totally thinking, well of course it's something else because you would not ever continue that cycle of abuse. And somehow I can't get there for myself. I trust you more than I trust myself.
I am coping the best I can and you are right that it is hard to willingly cause pain and trauma to the people I love. But somedays I just can't be responsible for that, you know? It's too overwhelming and too much pressure and too much torture.
But I'm okay for right this second. I've had a long day, including spending 11+ hours with my best friend who is still not really speaking to me. It is more painful than I thought was possible and there is apparently nothing I can do about that. She says she's not angry with me (and most of the time it feels like she's not), but that she has to process what's best for her and what's best for me. Apparently that is a long process. And that didn't cause this depression, but it for sure isn't helping. And because she feels like family to me and because then I perceive that I'm being rejected, I get walloped with massive anxiety on top of everything else. I'm so done with trying to make people love me and yet apparently I'm not.
Thanks for your support.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:879490
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880548.html