Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2008, at 10:13:10
In reply to Re: A blessing, but not unmixed --Dinah, posted by Daisym on September 17, 2008, at 1:36:31
It does. I wish my therapist were as honest about that as you are. He really was until lately.
I will say that I don't dress as oddly as I did a few years ago. I think some of that was tied into Daddy's illness and my grief after his death. I was trying to turn back the clock, at least in myself, to the mod sixties where Daddies were big and strong and might be feared, but were never to be worried about.
I cut my hair a bit shorter, so that I rarely wear braids except around the house or maybe running errands. Braids are so comfortable. But I do often scrape my hair back in a ponytail. It's not odd looking, but it is unflattering. It's just too darn hot to wear my hair down. As fall and winter start (late and brief in this part of the world) I'll probably wear it down, pulled back from my face.
I even got over my feeling that I'm not worth a decent hair stylist and colorist. I figured that all my dogs are high maintenance, and I don't complain about their grooming bills. I can cut back someplace else and spend a bit of money on my own hair. Not that it makes a huge difference with hair like mine. It might be more a difference in my mind than anything else.
My clothes are more or less the same. Not odd looking as much as they are frumpy and cheap and rather unappealing. I dress in my best for church, of course. There may be one psychological reason for that. I don't think I'm worth anything nice. Until or unless I lose weight, I'm going to look awful in anything I wear. My stomach is revolting. I can't find decent bras in my size that don't feel like they were designed for purposes of torture. But mostly it's comfort and convenience. And heat tolerance. I can't work or concentrate when I'm uncomfortable. I probably still wear tennis shoes too often.
My physical presentation may be more unattractive now than odd. But the rest of me will always be a bit off. Social rhythms, odd ways of expressing myself, poor eye contact. And some nonstandard beliefs. Some of it is anxiety. But some of it is just me. It's not altogether a bad thing. My therapist has always said that my gift is to help others think about their beliefs. My husband enjoys my way of expressing myself, and I think my therapist might now too. But strangers just see the odd.
Thanks for taking it seriously, Daisy. It really is an issue. Not only to me but to my family as well. I don't like being an embarrassment to them.
I really really need to lose weight. I'd have way more incentive to look nice if I thought I could succeed. My family does not carry extra weight well. Many people can do it. But our features really don't lend themselves to it. And of course, we all run to fat.
I should say that my therapist does use positive reinforcement with me about my appearance, if I wear something other than my standard uniform.
poster:Dinah
thread:852299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852439.html