Posted by antigua3 on August 16, 2008, at 12:17:45
In reply to Re: pdoc update**poss sa trigger**REALLY LONG » antigua3, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2008, at 11:39:56
I don't consider you ever to be slow. I think you're very thoughtful in how you respond.
By referring to your therapy, I meant that you've said in the past that you think of your T as asexual. If I'm wrong about that, please excuse me. (I also like the slip I made above when I said my T doesn't possess the threatening male organ. She doesn't of course, I meant my pdoc).
Dinah, what you've said makes a great deal of sense. Maybe I can't deal with the dichtomy now (even if does exist, because I'm doubting my trust in him that it does) because it's like holding two opinions of my father at the same time, and especially because I tend to let the positive thoughts totally, and irrationally, outweigh the negative. I can see, hear and listen to the negative parts, but however I coped as a child (which is what I'm trying to unravel now) led me to overpowering love. And that's not seeing the situation clearly. It's too threatening to my basic core beliefs about myself. And I want to change that. But maybe my view of "change" is not his.
I don't necessarily think that his assessment is wrong, but I'm afraid to hear it. Partly because he is so results oriented, truthful and upfront and that really stings at time, it's very helpful to me to hear another opinion that isn't grounded in how worthless I am. But I can't deny the truthfulness, and I accept sometimes it's just his opinion and we move on, but this a big one.
You said,
"Your pdoc is a man with all the appropriate equipment *and* he can feel compassion for you *and* he's not going to follow up on that compassion with demands and expectations from you"Oh, but he will follow up with demands and expectations, but they won't be sexual of course, but they may play with my core beliefs and shatter them, and what will I have left? This is at the heart of my problem. If he takes away my core beliefs (and I know some of them are very wrong, but they're still mine), am I strong enough to withstand it? Am I strong enough now? He says yes, so does my T, but it's treading in very dangerous waters. Sometimes he goes too far.
Thank you so much Dinah,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:846433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/846659.html