Posted by llurpsienoodle on August 15, 2008, at 19:02:55
In reply to pdoc update**poss sa trigger**REALLY LONG, posted by antigua3 on August 15, 2008, at 15:24:27
>So then she asked me to characterize how my pdoc reacted. Dumbstruck, almost, I realized that he had been kind, and do I dare say, compassionate? That he hadnt judged me at all, although I projected he would. Then she asked the classic question, How did his kindness make you feel? She hit it exactly right. I was so afraid of his kindness that I ran like the dickens because in my experience, after kindness from a male comes pain, hurt and terror. I rejected his compassion completely. He did say, There isnt anything right now that I could say that would be right to you. He was right, because there was no way I was going to let him in.
Antigua, this is what therapy is all about- it took a combination of pdoc and T to help you make a major connection. It sounds like it was very uncomfortable (or worse!), but now that you know this, you can practice, little by little, to let your pdoc into your struggles. I struggle a lot too, with these very same issues- accepting postive feedback from men, feeling safe around them, and discriminating the difference between genuinely dangerous situations and the safe therapy environment. This is one of the reasons I sought out a male T. I'm not sure I was "ready", but I was able to work on some things with my former pdoc, who was very kind, and did his best to help me feel at ease. That gave me a little courage to go forward with a male T. We grow the most when we challenge ourselves and take risks in therapy.I hope you're not feeling too badly,
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:846433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/846481.html