Posted by lucie lu on July 25, 2008, at 8:15:21
In reply to sad, scared, angry at T, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2008, at 22:24:38
Sunny,Sorry the difficult session(s) occurred at a time when your schedules are also out of phase. The emotional upheaval that accompanies such times can be so painful and anxiety-provoking. Does he respond to requests for phone calls? Maybe if you could either fit in a brief phone session or even one or two touch-bases, that might help sustain things until you're able to sit face-to-face together again.
You clearly have made a major improvement in your level of trust in the relationship, although it seems somewhat shaky at the moment. One thing that might help is recognizing that this is a rupture and that they happen in various forms frequently in all meaningful relationships. Repairing ruptures is important to learn how to do and T's are trained to do that and model the skill to their patients. The good news is that repairing ruptures usually leaves the relationship stronger than ever before and can be a real growth opportunity for both participants and also for their relationship.
Your T sounds like he really does care for you,. I wouldn't be surprised if he has been asking himself how he got so off base with his interpretations when he was last with you. And when you two get the chance to work things out, I'm sure he will be right in there. T's don't always get us right, we often get out of step, but the work of getting back on the same page usually feels good and positive for both. And you can look forward to your relationship strengthening and your being even closer than you were before.
So try to hang in there, keep the faith amidst the swirl of feelings, and be good and loving to yourself for now. I know I tend to panic and (for me, not necessarily for you) lose perspective, because that's one of my problems, having trust in relationships and fearing losses. But my T has always come through, even when I've left some pretty sh*tty messages on his machine over the years. The fact that those messages hardly ever happen now, that even when they do they are really toned-down is a measure of progress for me. And our increasing ability to repair ruptures together has been great at bulding confidence in myself as well as in relationships. You seem to be in a very active stage in your relationship with him, and I suspect this may represent such a growth opportunity for you, singly and as a partner in a MR.
Wishing you the best - Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:841893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841950.html