Posted by Nadezda on July 12, 2008, at 16:41:06
In reply to Re: I think things are changing *long* » raisinb, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 19:52:59
I've had a similar evolution with my T. For years, we had a stormy intense relationship, with a lot of reassurance and constant doubts. And eventually, there was a prolonged crisis-- not so much about whether I would trust his caring, but more about whether I would begin to be more constructive and collaborative with him-- rather than fighting him, and tearing down progress, moving forward, then doubting everything again.
Noone can ever, ultimately, prove their caring; no matter what anyone does or says, it can always be questioned, removed from real caring by saying, they would do it for anyone, it doesn't mean anything, or it's only because they are a therapist, and you're paying them-- etc etc--you can always call into question their motives, or even that their caring, if it was once there, still continues. It's a Sisyphus-like task to prove your caring to someone who never will trust or believe in it.
Maybe there are fewer firework, and fewer moments of disruption and re-uniting-- but what can replace it is growth and strengthening of the connection, and of your ability to do things you want to do.
I still fight lots of times with my T, because I have a lot of destructive and self-destructive tendencies-- and it's hard for me to give them up, and to do things differently in a consistent way. I personally would never want to go back to the drama and wounding and endless cycle of hope and despair.
And I doubt that your T felt more intensely about you-- because, if you think about it- if someone doubts your caring over and over, you may have to reassure them constantly, but it doesn't increase the caring itself. It just wears you out, and makes you wish they could just accept it. I can't believe for Ts it's really different.
And I do think, in order to move forward in your life, you have, someday, despite the risks, to take the step of trusting. However it comes about-- there's never going to be a guarantee that you can trust someone. That's why it's called trust.
For what it's worth, to me, you seem to have made an important breakthrough, which you can build on.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:839276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839466.html