Posted by wishingstar on April 14, 2008, at 17:03:20
In reply to Re: confronting an old therapist » wishingstar, posted by raisinb on April 14, 2008, at 11:26:01
Thanks everyone for the responses. Since most of you said very similar things, I'll just respond all at once.
First of all, to answer the question of "why now".... a lot of reasons and yet no reason, I guess. I've been thinking about it for a year or so (it actually happened more like 1 1/2 years ago I guess). I had a dream about doing it two nights ago which was interesting as I hadnt even thought of her in some time and it retriggered the idea in my mind. Another reason I dont think I can explain in any concise way. Simply, I started working a new job last November in the social work field that has forced me to face a lot of things for me, step outside of my comfort zone every day, and face a lot of truths about my childhood in very direct ways. I've only been there 6 months, but I have grown a lot personally. I'm suddenly looking at my relationship with my not-so-great parents in a new and empowered way and I think it's bleeding into other areas of my life as well. So long story short, I think some of these feelings might be playing into it as well.
I wouldnt say that I have a lot of painful feelings left over regarding this woman anymore. I suppose if I think enough about it, it is still upsetting.. but mostly in a cognitive way, not a deep emotional way. I dont think of it often.
I think part of this has to do with my wanting to take some control back from someone in my life, after the things I've been experiencing since starting my new job. I wouldnt say this T has control over me now. She doesnt. But it'd feel empowering to confront her. It really feels more about me than her. I know I can (and I think have) let it go, and let her go, even if I never speak to her again.
I think you all are right though that it could open wounds more deeply than I expect it would. It's hard to know.
I'm going to talk to my current T about this on Thursday. I think it'd be very healthy and a positive step for me in some ways.. and about something much bigger than what she personally did. At the same time, it's risky. It could be more painful than I'm expecting and could really shake me up badly. I guess it's partially a question of whether it's worth that risk.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm going to think hard about what you've all said.
poster:wishingstar
thread:823104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823275.html