Posted by wishingstar on April 13, 2008, at 21:41:47
In reply to Re: confronting an old therapist » wishingstar, posted by Kath on April 13, 2008, at 20:55:33
Hey Kath. :) I know a lot of people on babble now weren't around when it happened. It was quite a mess and I posted about it a lot. But what I said in this post is all thats really significant now I think.
I guess I feel like even no response would be something, if that makes sense. It wouldnt be an explanation of her thoughts/feelings/etc, but it would tell me a great deal. It certainly isnt what I hope for, but even if it's all I got, at least I'd walk away with a better sense of.. her perspective, I guess. Her caring, or lack thereof. I feel I should add here, since I used the word caring, that regardless of how she would react, I dont expect any warm caring feelings and thats not what I'm searching for. In some way, I think it'd be therapeutic for me to go meet her and if she responded in that way, be able to say "listen, this isnt okay, and I feel xyz". I wasnt able to do that in the past with people who hurt me as a teen, but I can do it with her. I think it would be a big step for me and a statement of self worth and self respect, if that makes sense. Even if I got nothing. Not to say it wouldnt be terribly hurtful...
I guess the only thing that would really hurt would be if she refused my request to meet with her. That could happen. I think the fact that my current T is backing me up, and is willing to explain to her why I want to meet with her etc, would help... but it's not a guarantee she'd agree. An outright refusal would hurt.
And yes, I know what you mean about her hearing but not necessarily "hearing". Of course I want her to hear the feelings, but just knowing that shes heard the words is more than I have right now.
My other concern (and I doubt this would happen) is that she'd completely hear my feelings and be very validating etc and I'd leave with a yearning to reconnect with her. That could be disastrous. But she was never good at validating my feelings so it's probably pretty unlikely.
I havent talked to current T about this in awhile, but I'll probably bring it up again at my next appt on Thurs. Thanks for the things to think about.
poster:wishingstar
thread:823104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823153.html