Posted by stellabystarlight on April 6, 2008, at 18:56:22
Hi everyone,
So glad I found this wonderful site. Boy, was I wrong about being the only one having intense feelings/transference for a therapist. I see myself in most of these posts and it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
I would like to get some feedback/reality-check from you. I've been seeing my therapist for 6 months and we've had a deep connection from the start. I don't know how much of it is transference since we're very similar on an emotional/intellectual level. AND...we're also physically very attracted to each other. We have both said that we've never met anyone like each other.
I'm unhappily married and confused about boundaries. He is married(how happy I don't know) and very serious about keeping boundaries. However, he has broken some of his rules because "I'm an atypical patient whom he sees as an equal."
Here are some of what has transpired between us (in order):
- He has disclosed some personal things about who he really is at my insistance.
- Told me that I have no idea how much it hurts him to not be able to comfort me when I'm recounting my painful past.
- Told me he strictly follows rules and boundaries with other patients, and seems somewhat confused about not following his usual rules with me.
- I don't know how much of this is erotic transference, but we're both very turned on at times.
- I told him point blank that I wanted him and he said we would never be together and I would have to "put it out of my mind".
- We genuinely enjoy each other's company and he's said that I'm the only patient he looks forward to seeing.
- I thought about leaving therapy and he has begged me not to. He said losing me would put him in a deep state of depression and he very much cares about me and just can't bare losing me.
- I've been connecting with my teacher and he has shown "jealousy" by telling me that I'm in class to learn. (OK...I do connect with my teacher, but I was also testing my T.) Asked me to not talk to the teacher so much because it's not good for me. We didn't acknowledge this but, he actually had tears in his eyes and seemed genuinely surprised by his reaction to me.
- He has finally given me a quick hug after I asked him for it. However, I don't plan on asking much. I might be off but, I feel like he should just give me a hug because he wants to.
Well, it's almost as if we're a couple when we're together in his "therapy world-office". I've had a lot of dates and relationships in the past, but I'm completely blown away by him, and how compatible we are. We would definitely be together under different circumstances.
I'm completely obsessed by him, and now I believe he definitely has deep feelings for me. He is so warm and intimate in the way he talks to me but, I can see him struggling with his feelings for me and respecting boundaries/marriage. It surfaces at times by his inconsistant behavior as he struggles with guilt and fear.
I've seen 7 other therapists in the past and never felt anything like this. Not even close. On the practical side, he's opened me up like nobody else has and I feel comfortable analyzing myself because he understands me. I've never trusted or opened up to other therapists. He really is a good analyst.
I'm so confused! I don't know if he is my therapist, husband, or boyfriend, but I love him. I don't even know what kind of feedback I'm looking for...but, can someone with similar experience give me a reality check on what's happening to me? Thank you.
Stellabystarlight
poster:stellabystarlight
thread:821872
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/821872.html