Posted by Honore on June 20, 2007, at 8:59:43
In reply to Re: It came up of course » DAisym, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2007, at 7:52:45
Dinah you're mostly disappointed and angry about the sleep doctor's inability to help. It Is disappointing-- but it doesn't have to set you into a downward spiral that affects everything.Just hang in their with your pdoc and his reluctance to give you provigil. He'll accommodate-- you won't be stuck with Red Bull and No Doz.
These pressures can be handled. There are ways to negotiate the job situation in accord with your ability to be available-- even if you need a few hours more sleep. You can work on that in therapy-- among other things-- or as a side-effect of certain things-- and remold your schedule so it fits who you are.
And your son is NOT as unhappy as you were as a teenager. I do'nt believe that for a minute-- if only because he has you for a mother, and not your mother. Just because he has some moments of rebellion, misery, accusations againt you-- all that-- none of that us at all unusual for teenagers. I bet that with him it will be remarkably limited-- and interwoven with lots of good times for the two of you.
You are a great mother-- and professional person-- and wife-- and deputy of an unruly bunch of babblers. One of two small miracles and you'll qualify for sainthood-- (you haven't raised anyone from the dead, have you? cause we need to find a few little things like that to put your name up).
This is a temporary sense of disappointment- however real it is-- but you can adapt to whatever you need to-- and construct a schedule and life that are really good. So try not to start seeing everything as all ruined-- especially your sense of yourself as a wife and mother-- and your son. He's going to be fine.
And don't fall into the worst recrimination of all, that you're a mother like your mother. You're indulging a momentary sense of self-blame and hatred- but don't let it go there. Cause if you do, I may start to think that I"m as bad as my mother-- and others may start to think that they also are as bad as their mothers-- and a whole hysterical wave of despair may spread through this place like wildfire. Cause if you, Dinah, are-- then we are ever more prone to be.
Not to put pressure on you to save us-- but you know you wouldn't put up with my suddenly seeing myself as like a cold faux "normal" person who blames any coolness between us on me, and who has harsh cold rages, and a strong propensity to be vindictive and envious-- and no interest in children.
You are a very good caring person. You can too get through this-- it's a temporary setback-- but this situation with your job will get rectified-- over time--- and you'll regain your sense of yourself, I hope. Very soon.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:764138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/764396.html