Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 16:46:04
In reply to Re: *Trigger *questions Lots of mother triggers, posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 1:09:01
> I'm sorry you went through so much. But I'm wondering what it is you'd like people to say? This post, and the one above, makes me wonder if you don't feel supported here, or supported enough?
Hi Daisy,
I guess I do feel less supported here than before. Mostly it is my own fault. I have said some things I shouldn't have, and I do regret that . I have said I was sorry, but sometimes people are just unable to forgive you. I feel I have lost many friends here because of that. So, yeah, I guess I miss some of the posters who used to support me, because I no longer get that or anything conversations from them. It makes me sad. I have been on Babble for 2 years now and things feel different to me.Please know that you don't have to "prove" you have a right to hurt or that you hurt enough to need support. In my experience, it is given here to all who ask.
I try to do that, and people have been wonderful who have forgiven me and still like and support me anyways. I feel they have accepted me and my faults. We all are not perfect, I just wish I could be forgiven and be given another chance. I am really a pretty normal and nice person if I am given the chance to show that. I have made some mistakes, I am learning that in therapy how to overcome some natural defenses I have. It would just help me if my old friends on babble would give me another chance and include me.
In my real life very few people have done that, my T was the major one, no matter what I do, he still he doesn't abandon me, he may challenge me on something I do that wasn't right, but he always accepts my sorry's. But I guess the real world doesn't always work that way.
>
> I think there is a lot of wisdom in Sunnydays' stance of not posting her story, as I would hate to deem one thing worse than another. It is all bad and all of it should never have happened to any child, any where, ever, ever. I really do understand the need to shout, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE (HE for me) DID TO ME?!! I have lots of rage around all of it too.I really am not trying to compare "war stories" with anyone, all abuse is terrible. It was just nice to know I am not the only one who has endured to the level I have and is still living to talk about it. Most are dead, I would have been to if I wasn't a fighter. I had to fight my whole life to stay alive. Maybe I can learn to relax because not everyone is like my mother. But it is hard having to stil live with the fact that she could still show up at my doorstep and shoot me. I think once she is gone, than I can truely heal and not be afraid.
I had T today and we did talk about this, it was so hard, he said so many things about me, and I almost burst our crying, actually I had tears in my eyes. It is hard to hear good things about yourself when you are depressed. He did a lot of the talking today, I just had trouble talking. He had to lead the conversations, normally I do. But I told him after last weeks nightmare of my mom trying to kill me, I said I woke up and the first thing was I wanted to talk to my T . Because talking to my T makes me feel better. He almost had tears in his eyes when I said that. I do appreciate the babblers who have hung in with me and the new ones who talk to me, but I do miss some of the ones who used to talk to me.
> Hang in there.Thank you Daisy, I am trying, it had been really rough that couple of weeks.
poster:Happyflower
thread:762676
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/762991.html