Posted by gazo on May 11, 2007, at 19:40:08
In reply to Re: i got nothing. :.. ( » gazo, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 11, 2007, at 17:29:14
Llurpsie you are sweet. the things you say mean a lot because i know some of the path you walk from what you post here.. this is what i wrote in a letter to my T today:
"....what there isn’t, or isn’t as near as I can tell, is any bottom to this pit in which I currently dwell. It’s walls are constructed of pure agony and it is partially filled with despair. It is only partially full so as to prevent me from reaching anywhere near the top, if there is one of those either, and being able to climb out. It’s stagnant and vile. I’m not quite sure what the prophets and priests had in their heads to create a vision of hell which was embodied through flame, I think they were quite short-sighted. Hell is a mire in the mind in which there is no heat, nor flame, nor warmth of any kind. There is a dampness that seeps through to your core and your spirit begins to wither. Every thought is covered in a dark slime that can’t be wiped away. Every memory, when those are to be found, is vague and dark. No, the scribes had it all wrong indeed. There are no voices lifted up in unison through pain and anguish as flames consume them. No, here there is silence save for the endless marching of your mind. No voices at all. A voice would be comfort of some sort and there is none of that here. There is no past, no future... there is only now and now must be escaped from at all costs. There is no past-life hell which could match this."
you're right, i have been in this pit before. This week i almost overdosed. i have BP, so i am familiar with pits of all descriptions...spiralled like dante's myths. This is different though from the pits BP bring me. This one is not a perverse construct of my mind alone. This one has been dug shovelful by shovelful for nearly two years, with the digging becoming fever-pitched in this past year. Sometimes i crawl nearly to the top but never manage to get out. i am tethered you see, it's not under my control or power to leave this pit.
i am tethered.
poster:gazo
thread:756897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757937.html