Posted by jammerlich on April 23, 2007, at 17:16:45
In reply to Question re:sex and honesty, posted by muffled on April 23, 2007, at 13:59:55
Muffly, sex in marriage IS supposed to be about love; and, if you'll take a look at what you've said, it's about love in your relationship too. You continue to do something that scares you and is very disruptive you because you love him. So, the love is definitely there, even if things are far from ideal.
I do get what you're saying about it feeling dishonest because you're doing something you don't want to do. I guess that's where intimacy comes into play. I suppose if you aren't both into it and if your partner doesn't really know your mind, then it isn't intimate.
I don't know what to suggest you do. I know my T would say she's an advocate of talking about things. That we have a better chance of being understood when we do. I'm pretty sure she'd say talk to him. But, I'm also pretty sure I'd be so scared I couln't possibly.
It's a problem I had in my marriage and I NEVER talked to him about it. I just did what I needed to do. And I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore. It's a relief. When I was in the middle of it, I couldn't imagine that I'd ever WANT to do it. But now, that I'm not stuck in fear all the time, I'm thinking maybe it's possible for it to be an OK thing. I just need to get myself to where other things are OK first. Like totally platonic affection from a female....nurturing kinds of things. I feel ashamed that I crave it (somehow it's a dirty thing in my head), but I do. So, my thought is, maybe if I could feel comfortable with that, I might be comfortable snuggling with a guy....and then MAYBE things could evolve from there.
It's also entirely possible (even probable) that I'm completely delusional!!
poster:jammerlich
thread:752745
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/752801.html