Posted by scratchpad on April 18, 2007, at 13:20:09
In reply to Re: Working through the anger, posted by pegasus on April 18, 2007, at 10:11:02
So today I talked to my T about this past week. All the crying, and all the triggers and the anger, the bubbling rage that comes up and scares the heck out of me. And how I was feeling like this was a very dangerous way to feel, that it would start and have no way to stop and I'd create all sorts of damage and hurt.
She told me that I'm starting to realize just how much of life is out of my control. My step daughter's troubles, my husband's issues, the tragedies we see on the news, how the person ahead of us in the grocery line behaves. It's all beyond my control, and it's enraging. (This makes sense to me.) She describes it as a societal problem - that our world changes so quickly and severely that we can't emotionally keep up with it all.
It's that idea of radical acceptance, of loving what is, what other catchphrases are out there at the moment?? They're all pointing and saying, "this is you," and my head and heart are crying out, "Nooooo!!" just like Mr Bill. Denying what is, is crazy-making. It's anxiety-brewing. It makes my back hurt, and my head hurt, and my heart break.
I told her I was having a hard time journaling through this, and she suggested that I write some letters to my step daughter. Letters that I won't ever send her, just what do I want for her, what do I wish she would do? Just thinking about what I would say makes me cry. But I think I can do it.
We talked about keeping myself safe, keeping my step daughter out of the house, talking to my doctor about PMDD and maybe trying a week-long course of Prozac during the premenstrual part of my cycle.
I really like it when I come out of a therapy appointment feeling empowered. That is what makes me really feel safe.
sp
poster:scratchpad
thread:750222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/751038.html