Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:25:35
Which was actually the third thing I purchased. Those token gifts can get expensive when you can't decide what you want to bring. Oh well, the rest can be consumed by my family. I decided the potential awkwardness if there was eating involved outweighed the benefit.
Anyway, I brought him a dozen bright yellow daisy type flowers that was the exact color of today's dress, and most of what I wear really. If I could have found a hot pink vase it would have been perfect.
Of course he had to be reminded of what I was commemorating with a dozen flowers, despite our recent conversation about it. But he expressed proper appreciation.
We spent the session looking back and forward. I told him all, including my thoughts about termination. The wretch had the discourtesy to look pleased. He said he thought that Katrina had accelerated my progress by years. I argued that that wasn't such a good thing, since the main result was to shake my sense of security with him and to realize that I couldn't trust him, anyone, or anything. I pointed out that he had left me when I needed him most, and that a lot of things that happened might not have happened if I had had support. Then admitted that he wasn't really in any shape to be great support anyway, and that I suspected that I handled Katrina better than he did, probably because I'm used to being in a crisis. Well, short term anyway. I crash after the immediate crisis, and that's when he left.
We talked about my ongoing fears that if I let myself trust him again, he'll hurt me again even though I know he won't do it on purpose.
He had the wit to say with very little prompting that I was free to see him as often as I liked for as long as I like, even after termination. And that of course personally he would feel a lot of sadness at losing our relationship.
Snort.
I talked about how bored I was lately, and how all we seemed to do is whine (me) and badger (him) about work. How there seemed to be a lot less energy between us since my need was lessened along with my sense of security. And that I really didn't feel like picking a fight to add energy. He laughed when I asked how to put the magic back in a twelve year therapy relationship, and agreed that he'd be willing to play therapy games if I can find an age appropriate one.
We talked a bit about the future.
And I found out about the pigs!!! He had a picture in his old office that I never quite understood. It was a gift from a client and he says he doesn't remember the significance. For my sake, I'm going to assume he is just lying to me and does remember the meaning.
He asked me if he could give me a hug as I left. I don't see him again for a week because of Good Friday, and maybe it's good to skip sessions now and again.
poster:Dinah
thread:746531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/746531.html