Posted by Honore on April 2, 2007, at 11:00:47
In reply to Re: It's not that I'm ready to terminate » DisTraught, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2007, at 9:44:58
I personally am glad you aren't seriously considering termination. If the emotional part of you would suffer some suppression or lessening, it wouldn't be good. I like the emotional part of you! I'm not sure it would die-- if fact, I'm sure it wouldn't-- but maybe you would consciously reject it more, which would be a loss.
My T is also like a part of my family. In fact, he is my family, insofar as I have one. He and my sigO anyway. So I would never end the relationship.
I do think that finding how to make things exciting when you're okay is an important job in T. Being okay doesn't mean being dull--even if Tolstoy thought so-- although we all have some sense that suffering is intense, and okayness is just mundane or banal and blah. But I think that's where we diminish okayness or goodness, and disallow ourselves from finding the kinds of intensity it offers. They're there, but suppressed.ignored, or denied.
It's interesting to think about termination-- without being at all likely to do it. I can think about it-- sort of-- without totally freaking out. Which is good-- it means I'm stronger on my own-- but I have no desire or intention of losing such an important part of my emotional life-- or person in and to my emotional life. It would make me poorer-- which I don't need-- and increase my losses, which I also don't need.
So I'm also working on ways of making okayness a substrate of excitement and adventure, rather than bland nothingness, or boredom, or "so now, what?'ness."
Maybe, you can rebuild that trust, in a new and perhaps different way, despite the disruption?--
Plus, prospectively: happy 12th! (I'm trying to desensitize you...) -- maybe some rotten eggs and a nice present too? to represent the ambivalence?
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:745950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/746238.html