Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2005, at 8:52:11
In reply to Re: don't change the subject- YOU » Dinah, posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 8:28:42
:-)
I'm not trying to change the subject. I was just genuinely interested in how you were doing.
To be honest, I think I feel a bit bad about my pastor leaving. But I think the main trigger was the speech about leaving, so full of the sort of things people say when abandonment and loss are at hand. I know people can't do any better really. What do you say when you leave your lifelong friends behind to move away. Or when you face someone grieving. Or when you terminate a relationship. There's not much you can say that doesn't sound trite and totally insufficient.
I wonder if others would appreciate words of anger rather than words of comfort.
"Do not go gentle
Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because there words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."So when someone leaves they could say "I care about our relationship, but I care about xxx more. If I didn't I wouldn't leave you."
Or if someone dies, instead of soothing with statements of better places, they could encourage the bereaved to rail against the fates, or just say "That s*cks."
Or if my therapist ever terminates me, instead of defending his reasons, he could just tell me how very angry he knows I am at him, how I don't have to pretend to be anything other than angry just because I also care about him and want what's good for him too, and encourage me to yell at him all I want (having first warned his office suite mates).
All the people who ever left me are people I cared about, and I wanted the best for them. My best friend from third grade, who told me she wanted to branch out in friendships before leaving town (and forever leaving me with the impression that I am a relationship leech who must watch myself constantly or else I'll suck the life out of my friends, although she said it very kindly and tactfully and didn't mean for me to feel that way)... My darling Bounty, light of my life, who I knocked off the bed and killed, but who I thought would at least come back to me in reincarnation or as a ghost... My father, who was in misery... Harry, who fought so hard to stay with me... My friend who moved for a better employment chance and standard of living... My friend who died and who was probably rightfully concerned about her kids more than me...
I have no right to be angry at any of them. Maybe I have a right to be angry at fate or circumstances.
But the intensity of my rage is out of proportion to what's reasonable.
poster:Dinah
thread:498985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/499380.html