Posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2004, at 18:51:01
In reply to Are you ever afraid you present too well?, posted by Dinah on October 10, 2004, at 9:02:50
Yeah, I have the 'apparant competence' thing pretty much sussed as well. Maybe it is part of the tendancy that some people have to sacrifice / bury / push aside ones own feelings for the sake of others. To soldior on despite where one is at. Of course there is also the point that there is not a lot one can do aside from soldior on (or suicide, of course).
But it is hard when 'clear communications' of distress are not taken seriously as well. I think that sometimes that is because people just don't want to know, because they have difficulty dealing with it. There is also the possibility that one may disengage with ones distress so that it is reported in a cold, aloof, distant manner. When people have to choose between what someone is saying and the way someone is behaving they tend to go with the non-verbal cues over the verbal ones and so if you are behaving with 'apparant competance' but verbalising distress people tend to go with the behaviour over the words.
This may mean that you need to emphasise what you are saying in order to be taken seriously.
Can you say to people that you don't think they are hearing what you are saying?
> I suppose it doesn't help that I careen madly between knowing that suicide is the only option and cheerfully handling things and making plans for our next vacation.
>
> Maybe that means the suidal feelings aren't real.Or maybe it means that they are there and they are real, but that there are other things you know and feel that are every bit as real and don't point to suicide as the only option.
I do hope that things get better for you.
If you figure out a way of handling / dealing with this then please let me know - I have difficulty with this one myself.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:401120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401269.html