Posted by LG04 on August 1, 2004, at 13:40:57
In reply to Sharing insight, posted by vwoolf on July 28, 2004, at 9:40:28
Thank you so much for sharing your insight. I have also thought of my female therapist in a sexual way, but never had the courage to tell her and probably never will since we are coming to a termination of sorts. I know that I am not sexually attracted to her, I understood it as a kind of longing, because I have had these sexual thoughts about everyone who I have ever felt strong transference towards. It's wanting to be as close to them as possible, of feeling the most safe as I possibly can, it's an emotional holding thing that is represented sexually. And because I was molested, I think it also seems to be the only way to get close. The difference between sex and intimacy can be so confusing for me.
Something that I also recognize is that when I am feeling less transference towards the person, then I don't feel the sexual thing. Your insight was really, really validating for me.
Also I want to say that the various posts about the most traumatic part of being sexually abused is that your moms didn't protect you and weren't there...that is also extremely validating for me. I also think that it "makes sense" that my dad's abuse of me would be the worst part, but it's not. It's always that my mom was, and still is, in complete denial. It is so incredibly painful for me. So thank you for validating that feeling also.
I applaud your courage in sticking with your female therapist. I can imagine it was a very difficult decision and you really gave yourself the time and space to go through a painful process...and to come to a decision. Way to go!
LG
poster:LG04
thread:371586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/372900.html