Posted by starlight on August 3, 2004, at 14:55:49
In reply to Re: Real time relationships, posted by vwoolf on August 3, 2004, at 12:08:03
I think there comes a time when you have to wrap up the unfinished business. You can't run forever - or you can and then wonder if it could have been different. But you also have to be prepared for any type of response, including one that my hurt you more. It's so hard because when we're around our parents or siblings we tend to fall right back into our old patterns that were established in childhood.
It helped me so much to have my husband support me in standing up to my father, even moreso to hear my husband say that my father's behavior was completely unacceptable and totally abusive. The tendency for us is to rationalize it by saying we deserved it or to hope it will go away. But as long as they have power over you, as long as you're the scapegoat, that pattern will continue.
I joined the military at 17 to get out of my abusive house. Parents tried to talk me into staying and going to community college (I wanted to go to a 4 year school away, but they said I was too immature). They even offered me a car. But I already knew that if I stayed in the same situation, I would continue to be the scapegoat for his anger, and that she would continue to play like she didn't know or like it wasn't that bad. Which is why you do better when you're away.
You need a good friend to help support you if you decide to call her on her behavior. It felt so good to finally take a stand, to be angry at him and scream and yell back at him and tell him how awful a person he was. Actually, that was one of the most theraputic events in my life.
I was happy with the ultimate outcome, to see him realize that his gig was up.
starlight
poster:starlight
thread:371586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/373672.html