Posted by LG04 on June 7, 2004, at 9:32:49
In reply to Re: Negative transference/anger at therapist, posted by vwoolf on June 7, 2004, at 5:15:19
To follow-up...i had a very good session with my therapist today though I went with tremendous anxiety. i am proud of myself that i finally allowed myself to open up (after we talked about why i didn't want to, what i was afraid of, etc) and told her the things that had been bothering me. I also didn't go crazy with anger, i felt very much like i didn't want to hurt her rather i wanted to have a mature discussion about the things that upset me. she said i don't have to protect her and i could tell her how i feel in any manner i want (i.e. i don't have to be nice about it) but i think she appreciated that i do care about her feelings and wasn't going to use her as a punching bag without any consideration of how it might feel to her.
She heard what i said and said she could have responded in a better way (to this particular incident). one of the things she apologized for and said it was a stupid comment. she said overall i really made her think. she also said that my needs are very important to her and she will always try to meet them as best as she can, but that she's not perfect and she can't promise that she will never again hurt me (though she said again that she will never INTENTIONALLY hurt me).
i told her that if she can't promise she'll never hurt me, that i don't want to be in the relationship with her. that's a huge issue for me (and i know unrealistic)...i want the people i am intimate with to be perfect so i can protect myself from getting hurt. we talked mostly about my feelings in the present (towards her), and not connected to my childhood, which i am glad about because i didn't want her to deflect my anger and hurt at her by telling me it's from the past.
we talked a little about the separation issue but not too much...she really took seriously the things that i am angry/hurt about without pinning the feelings onto something else.
i left feeling very proud of myself that i could go in there with so much anger and start talking about it. it gives me confidence that maybe i am capable of being in an intimate relationship (i.e. marriage) after all. and that i handled it well, that i was considerate of her while also speaking my mind. it also gives me confidence that i didn't run, which i wanted to do and which i told her that i wanted to do and was an option that i considered.
i am glad that i am going down the other side of this...another session or two and hopefully i will have worked it thru with her. she's never as apologetic as i want her to be...i want her to feel really guilty and to say "i'm so sorry i hurt you, i won't ever do that again" but i suppose that's also what i want my mom and dad to say and feel. she has a good self-esteem as far as not expecting herself to be perfect...that's hard for me since i want her to be!
Thanks for listening,
LG
poster:LG04
thread:354275
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354476.html