Posted by LG04 on June 6, 2004, at 16:24:46
In reply to Re: Negative transference/anger at therapist, posted by shadows721 on June 6, 2004, at 15:09:15
Thanks everyone. Your insights are very helpful.
I have been thinking about this and reading a lot on the internet tonight and I do think that the depth of the anger has very much to do with the upcoming separation. I do think I have a few good reasons though to be angry/disappointed. But probably they wouldn't be as big of a deal if I wasn't separating and therefore looking for an excuse to back away. I WANT to be mad at her so now I am feeling unforgiving and furious.
I do have to be careful I think to not go off the deep end with my anger towards her when I see her tomorrow because she is only human and words do sting. And I agree that anger can drive a wedge between people in relationships, probably even with one's therapist. I can feel that I want to test her but I don't want to push it too far.
Anyway I hope to be able to discuss this with her tomorrow and not be silent most of the time. I HATE when I'm silent for a long time. I told her I need her to ask me questions to get me to talk, because I hate sitting there in silence, what a waste of time. I understand that silence for a minute or two can help me to process what she has just said or something I am feeling. But to sit there in silence for a long time...I just hate it.
BTW, there is a very good paper I read parts of tonight, for anyone who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and in therapy...
http://www2.auckland.ac.nz/ipc/pdf/cr51.pdf
Check out the table of contents on page 6...this paper is chock full of good stuff.
I am very nervous about my session with her tomorrow. I hope it will be a good one and she will see thru me and not take too personally the things I am upset about. I hope I can talk and that I express myself without being intentionally hurtful. I have to remember that she is not my mom or my dad or anyone else that has terribly hurt/abandoned/abused me in the past. She is my therapist who loves me and has made some careless mistakes IMO but I can talk to her about them and we can work it thru. I have to allow this relationship to be different than the others were. That's how the healing happens.
LG
poster:LG04
thread:354275
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354328.html