Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2004, at 16:36:39
In reply to Re: Why my therapist is mad at me Dinah, posted by antigua on January 7, 2004, at 16:06:41
Thanks again everyone. I'm feeling a bit more my grownup self. I took some Klonopin, slept a lot, and even went in to work for a bit, as my presence there is going to be required at least a little bit every day for the next few months. I unpacked what I had packed. I suppose I can always decide to run away later.
I called my therapist. He said I take things too seriously. Sometimes he seems to realize how really important he is to me, but times like this he seems to totally miss it. He said I wasn't anywhere near his most annoying client. And that I wasn't annoying all the time, just some of the time. And that everything would be ok. But it sounded awfully hollow today. Perhaps because I was being annoying by asking? Sigh. (wry smile)
I have this odd desire to cancel Friday, or to go in and say nothing, so that I won't chance being annoying. But I suppose that *would* be annoying. It's a no win situation.
I know that he's trying to teach me that he can be angry and still care about me. But somehow "annoying" is different. And he didn't say my behavior was annoying sometimes, but that I was. And I suppose I am. I'm a dependent little creature with him, and I suspect he doesn't like pathetic dependent creatures.
Oh well. I didn't cut. I didn't run away, though I'm reserving the option.
And if he wants me to take responsibility for my EMDR therapy, he should be pleased with me (but won't be). Since the person he recommended all but told me she didn't feel qualified to work with me, I called two level II certified EMDR therapists and have already made an appointment with one. I told her pretty much what he wanted me to tell her, although in a way I felt comfortable expressing it. So he won't need to talk to her at all unless something comes up during therapy that she feels he needs to know. So there. I took complete responsibility.
Anyway, thanks everyone for your support when I was feeling so scared and lost. I'm doing ok now - still fragile but better than before. At least until the wee early hours of the morning when the monsters come out to play.
((((Babblers))))
P.S. He did say something interesting Tuesday that I intend to ask about Friday, although chances are he won't elaborate. I was afraid something I was doing with the EMDR therapist would cause her to shy away from taking me as a client. He said there *were* red flags in preliminary calls, but that wasn't one of them. But now I want to know what he thinks they are so that I don't make those mistakes in calling mental health professionals.
poster:Dinah
thread:297437
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/297758.html