Posted by browneyedgirl827 on September 19, 2006, at 10:16:23
In reply to Re: Beginning grief after months..., posted by Shar on September 19, 2006, at 3:33:33
No, I turned 20 at the end of August, but at the time I was 19. I've been dating my bf for 5 years on and off, so throughout that time, I've become extremely close with his family. His parents are divorced and I've always been closer with his mom since that's who he lives with, but I was hoping that with time, his dad and I would have that same bond. I think the hardest part of all of this (and I know many of you will say I'm too young to be thinking about these things, but I've been told continuously that I act older than I really am...I think I have the mindset of a 30 year old!) is that I can see myself married to my bf and would have like to have his dad there at the wedding, to see the grandchildren, etc. I haven't talked to my bf about this (even though we have discussed marriage, kids, etc) because I know how emotional he still is and I don't want to get him upset even more. I grew up without grandfathers because they both passed away of cancer in my childhood. I don't remember much about either of them, so I really don't want my kids to have to go through all of that. And if we do end up being together in the end, they're already down one great person. I know he wasn't always the best father and he pretty much kept to himself, but deep down, he was an amazing person and I would have loved to have him around as much as possible. I also think my grief is increased because of how I've seen my bf change in the past couple of months. He's never exactly had the easiest life, but in the three months this summer, he lost his job, his father, and was physically immobilized from a serious knee injury. I think it would have been easier for him if after the initial shock wore off to have something to do with his time. But instead, because he wasn't able to walk or work, he basically sat around the house immersed in his thoughts and his pain. His mom isn't ever really around much, so on top of my working 30+ hours a week and dealing with everything I was feeling, I stood up and took the mothering position for him as well. So I think the stress of the whole situation got to me too. But now things are calming down and I'm back to college, working, and getting involved in my school activites and the grief is finally starting to show. It's just hard trying to get through everything I need to do, worry about my bf, and deal with everything I'm feeling. I don't mind taking care of him because I know that if I was in his shoes, he'd do the same, so I'm definitely not complaining...and I don't want to leave him because he is what makes me get out of bed in the morning...it's just frustrating and confusing, and terribly stressful to deal with. No other loss I've ever had, including my family members and young friends, has ever been this stressful and I don't know if it's because I care of my bf and his family so much that it's like I lost a family member along with them or what...
> That's very young--you are not even 20?!
>
> Yes, if you knew and loved him or any of his kin, you have a right to grieve in your own way. So, I would say...do so. Perhaps you could talk about the experience a bit more, because we can all learn from it, and maybe even contribute. If you're willing.
>
> Shar (also with Brown Eyes)
poster:browneyedgirl827
thread:687235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/687375.html