Posted by Racer on September 3, 2006, at 12:43:23
In reply to Re: friend dying » Pfinstegg, posted by Shortelise on September 3, 2006, at 4:17:46
Don't worry too much if she sees the shock in her face -- she'll know how much she's changed, and that you can't help but be shocked by it. It's better, in my limited experience, to be genuine, which might mean telling her that the change does shock you, and sadden you.
My other piece of advice is to listen if she wants to talk about dying. Don't try to make it more cheerful with talk of an afterlife, or offer any comfort that she doesn't ask for. Just listen to her experience. Let her tell you about her fears. If there's something that you can help with, offer to do so -- if there is paperwork that needs to be done, or a diary she wants hidden, that sort of thing. But otherwise, let her ask if there's something she wants you to do. (You'll know if she's asking, without using those words, I suspect.)
Also, don't be afraid to talk about great memories together, or to let her know how much you'll miss her. She knows she's dying, and she may want to know that she's not the only one to regret that. Let her take the lead on it.
Read to her. Touch her. Be silent with her. Just be with her.
I'm sorry for your impending loss, but glad you'll have time with her before she goes. That's something many of us don't get, and something priceless.
poster:Racer
thread:682310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/682690.html