Posted by gardenergirl on January 2, 2006, at 7:46:58
In reply to this doesn't belong here, but....(**grief trigger*, posted by 10derHeart on January 1, 2006, at 18:14:16
> ....'here' is where it feels like family.
>
> My father passed away yesterday, about 6:30 EST, I'm told. He was 80 years, 11 months, 2 days old. I think he wanted very much to not see that 81st birthday, or 2006 for that matter. <sigh>Oh, I'm so sorry. So many emotions and thoughts seem to swirl around at a time like this.
Tender hugs for you whenever needed, because they are very needed. Or if not a hugger, definitely a show of caring and support.
>
> My daughter, though, when she hung up said, "Mom, I don't care if he jokeed, or chattered, something's not right. He's not enjoying much of anything. I didn't like that phone call."It sounds like your daughter has inherited your sensitivity and intuition.
>
> That was Sunday. So by Wednesday evening, he'd been taken to the ER with a severe bladder infection, dx as severely depressed and had been refusing to eat or take any meds for 2-3 days. He insisted to my 84 year old uncle that he, "do something," and "pull the plug, etc. Or get my daughter here so she can do it." I'm told he couldn't understand that since his condition wasn't requiring any life support (only some oxygen for COPD he's had for years, and IV antibiotics) there was (not to be crass, sorry everyone) no 'plug' to pull. It was very stressful for my uncle and other cousins. Not to mention the little fact he was still lucid enough of the time to say *exactly* what his own wishes were.That is so stressful. I'm glad he was very clear on his desires, but it's so hard for the others to hear, I think. I know my dad and his brothers had a hard time when my grandmother took a very similar approach.
(((((10der and her family)))))))
>
> > Relatives emailed/called me early Friday morning and then on Saturday. (Dad always begged them not to "bother" me too soon - demanded it, really)Oh my, this sounds so familiar. It's hard getting the news a bit later, I think..
> We were in the midst of discussing when/if I should come, as similar things had come up before where he snaps back and tells me not to....when I got the final call.
Such a difficult thing to decide and to plan logistically. I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye in person. I'm very glad you had that long conversation over Christmas.
>
>He just was tired of it all and wanted to go. His quality of life was shrinking down....legally blind, spotty hearing, confined mostly to a wheelchair, chronic bowel/urinary issues, COPD, mild MS, etc.That's where my grandma was, too. I think she held on for the family wedding recently and then was ready.
>
> So, my daughter and I are somewhat relieved. Me, I think I'm in executive mode right now. My daughter just sleeps and mopes around. She hadn't seen her Grandpa for about 2.5 years, and she feels awful to have not said goodbye in person. Odd how this seems much worse for her. I suppose my grief will do as it will, when it will.Oh 10der. I know the executive mode. And it's a good way to keep grief at bay. But please, I just learned, please give yourself some time to feel and to be comforted, too. You all need it, in whatever way seems right for each of you.
Take extra gentle care of yourself right now.
>
> We'll be flying there Wednesday. Funeral will likely be Friday, but they're expecting a storm, so....?I'll be thinking of you. Safe journey.
>
> I emailed my T. within an hour after getting the news. I expect he'll answer later tonight, maybe early tomorrow. I just want to talk to him sometime. More than anything. More than anyone. Is that weird or awful?Not at all. I wanted to email my T when my grandmother died, but I didn't think he would get it til today, anyway. And I guess I also was in the "I should be able to deal with it til I see him again" mode. Now that's silly, I think.
>'cept for my daughter, I'm not close with one person I'll have to spend time with for a week. I'm just not. I can be civil and that's it. Not bad people, just don't know them and see them like once a year.
I'm glad you have your daughter. :)
>
> Oh, well. I knew this could happen any time. And I must be the adult. It's just feeling awfully odd so far. Detached. That's okay, though, right? I loved my dad.
Sounds perfectly normal given what's happened.(((((((10derheart))))))))))
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:594118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/594309.html