Posted by shauna on January 8, 2004, at 10:17:27
In reply to Re: Help, breaking up is tearing me apart!, posted by jeff g on January 3, 2004, at 5:28:09
hi jeff, thanks for replying, i appreciate the effort. it's still really hard not being constantly around him, talking to him, doing things with him. the weekends are the hardest, i'm always wondering where he is or who he's with. but then by doing this i'm only torturing myself, which is what i wanted to write to you about.
i've read some of your posts and the replies, and they made my heart ache for you. but what's been important for me, and i think will help for you, is to look inside yourself. i think you will find you are much stronger and more resilient than you think. trust that this all happened for a bigger reason than you can understand right now, and trust that time will make a difference.
this past month has been hell but with help from some very good friends, i'm constantly policing myself and preventing me from torturing myself further with more grief. i'm not going to tell you the obvious things like 'try to sever all contact with your ex' etc. i think advice like this is sensible but it ignores the problem at hand, which is your pain. nothing i can do will make my ex come back, so all i could do was take care of me. i stepped outside of myself for a moment and tried to be my best friend, and it really upset me to see how i was compounding my pain by torturing myself over our breakup. amazingly, looking at myself like this made me realise that i had to pick up the pieces even if i didn't want to. jeff, let yourself experience your sorrow, but then, find the strength inside you to move on. do it for you.
your 'true self' was trying to warn you that there was something wrong in the relationship, and i think the time-out you initiated was a good thing to do for both of you to give you some perspective, so don't berate yourself - you were being mature and honest, and that is commendable. be extra kind to yourself, and be good to you - you deserve it. i'm working really hard on this too, so i'll let you know how it's going. take care.
poster:shauna
thread:293418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/298064.html