Posted by PHV on October 13, 2003, at 21:28:53
In reply to Re: Divorce can cause terrible grief » PHV, posted by Searchlight on October 12, 2003, at 22:58:11
Hi Susan -
I am happy to see you have been trying to take this past year to learn and grow from. I still look at my marriage as being the greatest learning experience of my life. After the breakup of my second ever relationship some five years later, I recall being absolutely devastated. I felt as though I was somehow to blame for two failed relationships - and that something was wrong with me. Only after a great deal of soul searching, did I ever realize that I wasn't a failure, I had simply made some poor decisions in my life in choosing mates that simply weren't suitable for me. I believed that love could change everything - and if two people loved one another enough, they could get through anything. Boy was I wrong!
What I did learn from those two experiences - seem to be even more important. I learned what was unacceptable and intolerable for me to accept in a mate - rather than the things that I wanted in someone. For instance, if I "dated" someone who made a joke at my expense - making me feel humiliated - I would call it off right then and there. Those little clues early on - really stood out to me and made me realize that they would only get worse as the days and years would pass.
Do yourself a favor, Susan. Rather than grieving what was - close your eyes and remember as vividly as you can - some of the terrible and hurtful moments of your relationships. Remember what it was that led you to divorces. Feel the hurt, feel the pain, the humiliation - cry the tears - but remember why THE DECISION WAS MADE to end the relationship. Because if it was so wonderful, you would still be together today. The grass is always greener on the other side . . . sometimes it really is better on the side you've been forced to . . .
Take care Susan. We will talk soon.
Patty
poster:PHV
thread:268419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/269146.html