Posted by PHV on October 12, 2003, at 15:44:03
In reply to Divorce can cause terrible grief, posted by Searchlight on October 11, 2003, at 17:50:53
Hi Searchlight -
I too have been divorced for many years and have no children - I will be 36 in a few months. I grieved and felt like a failure full of self blame for a number of years. Then after awhile I started realizing how nice it was to have only myself to answer to. I recognized that I felt lonelier when I was married than I ever have in the years since being single. I have found my own interests - spending time with family and friends - focusing on my career - and being able to travel or do whatever I want to, whenever I want to.
I have been involved with a wonderful man for nearly seven years. He too is divorced with three grown children. We don't live together, he has a very busy work schedule and fortunately understands mine as well. We have no desire to get married - other than some time in the future for potential financial reasons only! I have no desire to have children due to the mental illness that seems to run through my family history. People think we're crazy not to want to get married - yet these are the same people who tell us how jealous they are that we are so happy together and how much fun we have together. I feel a main reason for our continued happiness is because we love each other enough to know and trust each other by allowing each other the freedom to spend time apart - as well as as share our lives together.
Independence is key in finding happieness in your own life. You can't get that from another person. It is something you need to find deep inside yourself.
Take this time and opportunity to do some serious soul searching. Count your blessings that you can focus on only yourself. Don't just "settle" for another relationship just to have someone there.
Things happen for a reason in our lives Searchlight. Learn from this, grow from this - and share your fears, concerns and dreams with people on this Board. Try to make yourself a better person because of the difficult experiences you have had - and take charge to make sure you don't find yourself in the same situation again.
Best of luck to you. Please keep us posted. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Patty
poster:PHV
thread:268419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/268714.html