Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 18:37:26
In reply to ignoring the belly » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by karen_kay on June 20, 2007, at 15:45:48
> i'll go to a different room thinking 'ok, it's quiet in here, i can eat' and i can't do it. i just don't ahve the desire to eat. and then, i get super-duper anxious about it, eating and all. i think i just think about it way too much. that's my problem. it's the 'anxieties' sneaking up on me again, with a combination of 'the topamax', making it difficult for my belly to want anythign in it, other than coffee and cigarette smoke, that is. not even the old lady drinks work any more. i've had the same six pack in there for over two weeks and i thik i still have a couple of them. i used to be certain i'd force down one per day, but i've given that up.
>Yeah, somedays I don't know what's worse: the symptoms themselves or my anxiety about my symptoms. What a downward spiral...
> on the bright side, yesterday i did eat some cabbage (yummy yummy) and today, a lunchable (thank you mr kk). again, i think it's all in my head. i have this weird idea (and come to think of it, i've had ti before when i wasn't working) that if i'm not actually brigning in a apaycheck, then i don't deserve to eat (how f*cked up is that anyway?). i realize that i watch kids all day long (and i shoudl be making a zillion dollars for all the work i do aroudn this place, by god!), but some part fo me thinks that if i don't physically brign money into the house hold, then i don't deserve to eat, use shampoo (nope, if i run out, i keep my mouth shut until someone else speaks up about it, though they usually take showers at work). i feel i suck up enough resources with my chain smoking, that if someon edoesn't notice my meds are out, i won't tell (again, i learned how bad it is to stop topamax all at once with this stupid idea. i warned you, i'm warped...)
kk, I think you are a great person. I'm sure that your hubby wants you to be as strong and healthy as possible. It helps you keep up the energy required with parenting and housework. You've got a little one, and no doubt he keeps you on your toes (never mind the high-heeled pumps you call your "walking shoes"). Shampoo... well, remember that all that smoke will linger in your hair. Wouldn't it be a refreshing treat to wash it all down the drain before bedtime? I'm just thinking of your pillow, that's all. I'm a big fan of your pillow. It sat on my bed, untouched for so many days, a virtual shrine of Kk's illuminous presence, and her silly bedroom antics..
> so, like i said, it's all in my head. perhaps i shoudl consider seeign another therapist? but, not my old one. she kept hasslign me about my insurance, so i'm not going back to her. i don't know the first thing about insurance, and was highly insulted tha tshe used the 'insurance' ploy to test my anxiety level (yeah, i guess that's a whole other thread for a whole other time... sorry.).I HEAR you. I'm in the middle of insurance mess right now. I used up my free sessions and didn't get a prior authorization to continue treatment. Her "reduced price" is 70$, which I may be forced to pay out of pocket if I can't get it straigtened out. 2x a week since February. :( Of course the worst part about it is that back in February I was so dysfunctional that I didn't realize the limitations of my insurance policy.
> i'm proud of you dear. for taking care of yourself. i'm glad i had the pleasure of humping you. and the coffee was great. you know, you're the first...
>
> kk(((((((((((bigbouncyhugsforKk))))))))))))))
Thanks for your pep talk. Today I'm slipping a little bit, since I had a ginourmous lunch, I won't be able to eat any of my mini-midget meals.Oh, what the hell((((((((morehugsfor kk)))))))))
and take your meds!
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:758152
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/764579.html