Posted by Racer on October 11, 2005, at 18:17:31
In reply to Re: Sonya?, posted by Augustina on October 11, 2005, at 16:45:20
Here's what I've found, after a year of pretty intensive threatment for my ED:
1. I don't really want to recover, I miss being thin, I want to look the way I did, I still feel as though eating and getting to a healthier weight are a punishment. And for all that, I know that I'm better off with the treatment, with the improved nutrition, with the higher weight, even. The biggest improvement is that I can think much more clearly now. For that alone, it's probably worth not being thin.
1a. In other words, it's OK to be conflicted about recovery adn treatment, and you can continue to be ambivalent while you change your behaviors.
2. No weight ever feels right to me. That's a hint that it's not really about the weight. I feel too fat over 160, and too fat under 100. With that the case, I probably do need to talk to a doctor about what a healthy weight is for me at my size. The same is probably true for you, too.
3. Eating is frightening. I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop, because I never feel as though I've eaten enough, so I always try to eat much less than what's on my meal plan. That doesn't work, though. In order to learn to trust myself, I gotta learn to eat enough that I can find out that I do stop. {sigh} Not easy.
4. It ain't easy. There's no question it ain't easy to recover, or to learn to accept our bodies. But that is probably a good goal, doncha think?
just a little random rambling. Hope something there made sense.
poster:Racer
thread:565144
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20051009/msgs/565764.html