Posted by Augustina on October 11, 2005, at 16:45:20
In reply to Re: Sonya? » Augustina, posted by Sonya on October 11, 2005, at 15:18:51
> Glad you chimed in, Augustina. You pretty much summed up the way I feel, especially about getting happy with more weight loss. But I remember that even in the past when I got down to what I felt was my ideal weight, it didn't particularly make me any happier because I was so scared of not *staying* at that weight.
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> Sonya
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> >
That's so true, Sonya. Once I achieve that "ideal weight" it becomes a challenge to maintain it b/c my body's natural tendency is to NOT be at such a low body weight for my frame. It becomes this very tricky situation where I'm watching every single thing I eat plus making sure I workout hard enough to burn all those calories.
The thing is, I make myself believe I am in a much happier state of mind b/c I'm being so "good" w/my weight loss regimen. It really is a sick cycle that's so hard for me to break.
Every night I go to bed dreaming of ways I can be even better the next day...I don't know how to stop this. (and I'm not even sure I WANT to stop it).
I also feel like the more I talk to my T about it, the more I want to continue feeding my ED. (sorry for the poor choice of words).
Yet, I persist on w/my therapy...maybe one day a light bulb will go on and I will want to truly work on getting better. My T believes though that I DO want to get better b/c otherwise I wouldn't keep going back to therapy week after week. He's probably correct. Right now though, it's a lot of talking things through, especially about my particular behaviors yet I make it known to him that at this point, I do not want to change these behaviors...
I'll end my ramblings now. :-)
-A.
poster:Augustina
thread:565144
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20051009/msgs/565747.html