Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2010, at 9:47:13
In reply to Re: realistic possibilities, posted by Dr. Bob on November 8, 2010, at 4:21:11
> What brings X back after even a very long block? Maybe my unconditional love (blocked posters are always welcome back). But it's not completely unconditional. That would be safe for them, but would require me to give up my power to choose whom to love.
Do you really choose whom to love on Babble? I recognize that you don't mean love in the sense in which it is commonly used. But still, in saying that you choose whom to love seems a bit more expansive than I see your actions as being.
First of all, I suppose I don't see you loving anyone, but that may be a difference in definition of love.
But second, I don't see you as choosing to love some posters and choosing not to love others. I see you as choosing to approve of some behaviors and disapprove of others. Wouldn't you say that you would just as easily choose to love the same posters you chose to unlove, if they made different choices? And vice versa? That's been my experience of you. If so is it the posters you are choosing to love, or the behaviors?
I think a lot of people do see your blocks as rejection of them, and not limits about behaviors. I suppose I'd feel that way myself.
In that case, might I suggest that you not use phrases like "choose whom to love", no matter how that is meant in a therapeutic sense? And instead say that you wish to maintain your power to choose what behaviors to tolerate?
To put it bluntly, do you really choose to love some posters and choose not to love others? Or do you not love or not love the posters so much as you approve or disapprove of behaviors?
No one wants to be unloved. And I think perhaps it's not wise for anyone to seek your love. Your approval perhaps, but not your love.
poster:Dinah
thread:965628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/969155.html