Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2009, at 18:15:23
In reply to Re: Okay, I may have one crazy idea. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2009, at 12:20:28
He's not an analyst, of course. And he's quite fond of giving me advice.
He does have training in community building, and he is not unfailingly approving of Babble's administration. Rather particularly, as is probably to be expected, around Dr. Bob's management of deputies.
The only time he's actually told me I ought to leave was over Dr. Bob's management of deputies, since he's backed away from being an on board presence and left deputies to be the Administrative face on the board, with all that entails in terms of poster reactions.
And of course in any relationship that I am not required by duty and commitment to maintain, he would like me to periodically assess whether the benefits outweigh the costs overall. And apply that old Ann Landers rule. If the costs to me of Babble outweigh the benefits, and it is likely to be a permanent situation, he would encourage me to leave. I make that assessment on a regular basis.
He has suggested, and even ordered, that I walk away from Babble for a while when I was overly distressed. Because really, when I get too distressed, the best thing for me is to step away and gain some distance.
But aside from that, he likes Babble and totally supports my participation here and always has. I've been horrendously distressed here over the years, more than in real life. Both because I make myself more vulnerable here, and because the anonymity of the internet *does* increase transference. Dr. Bob once commented on my telling him that with his customary amusing style. But if I try to paraphrase him, I'm sure I'd mess it up somehow and misrepresent something. But in short, Dr. Bob was aware of this possibility.
My therapist saw this as an opportunity. Just as transference in the therapy room was a microcosm of my relationships with others, my reactions here on Babble were an even greater source of insight into my customary responses and ways of thinking. I'd bring in sheafs of posts from others and my responses, and talk ad nauseum about what happened and how I responded and why. The printouts allowed him to actually see this rather than rely on my reports. And he would, with his admirable patience, manage to support me in my intent, while pointing out that I might be coming across in a way I did not intend, problem solve with me about ways I could express myself better. He managed to totally support me in my pain, while pointing out other possible interpretations of what I found hurtful, or what feelings the other poster might have been having, or what might have prompted the entire exchange.
In my caped crusader days, I was wont to try to swoop in and protect those who were fragile and vulnerable. My therapist totally supported my intent, and he understood all too well the disempowerment I felt myself in middle school and how it shaped my current interactions. But he'd point out those times when he didn't think my desire to help was best served by my actions. He spoke often of the drama triangle, although not in the same perjorative way that it sounds when I look it up online. My therapist has a wonderful quality of being able to explain things in a totally nonjudgmental way.
He never blamed me, and he always supported me, but he widened my perspective.
I rejected what he offered quite a bit at first. I was hurt. Ruptures and repairs had to be sorted through. But now I find myself thinking of things in the same way he'd patiently walk through them with me long ago.
He sees Babble as a wonderful resource, not only to me, but to me in therapy. An extension of the work we do in therapy, with concrete examples for him to work with. Just as the therapeutic relationship is a here and now relationship where he can see exactly what happens, so is Babble.
This isn't in reply to anything in particular. Just that if therapist opinion of Babble is being discussed, I thought I'd add my own therapist's opinion.
poster:Dinah
thread:881542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081228/msgs/881989.html