Posted by Racer on July 2, 2006, at 22:08:53
In reply to Re: Not over first block yet *trigger*, posted by Deneb on July 2, 2006, at 21:21:11
Deneb, I won't comment on whether or not you have what you describe as "personality problems." I don't know you, except on this site, and so I'm not in a position to form a real opinion. My comments are all based on *your* current assessment that you have "personality problems."
But if that is a problem, you've identified it. Great first step.
What about looking at possible solutions? That really is the next step.
Maybe part of the solution for tonight is challenging your own distorted belief patterns? You say that you're aware right now that you've got some anger going on, and some of the older "Dr Bob wants me dead" thinking in there, too. If those are your beliefs tonight, how will you challenge them?
Honestly, Deneb, if you really and truly want to ease the discomfort you're feeling now, there are two things you can do to improve the quality of your life: start seeing a therapist, and take your medication, as directed by your pdoc, consistently.
What is it that holds you back from taking your medication? Is it just the stigma attached? If that's it, who are you really trying to hide it from? No one else ever has to know what you take. Period. Any time you tell someone what meds you're on, that's your choice, your decision. You, your doctor, and your pharmacist. Those are really and truly the only people who have any reason to know what you take. And besides -- APs are given for anxiety, as well as for psychosis. I think most of us here on the board know that you're not psychotic, although we also know that you do have certain thinking patterns that are a mite distorted, and that the medications -- when taken appropriately -- help you with that.
And why won't you start therapy? I know you've been seeing your pdoc for a while, but what you've got going on is not therapy. Therapy is very helpful, Deneb. Take it from me. What holds you back? Is it fear that someone would think less of you because you're in therapy? Get right over that. I know all sorts of people who have NO mental health issues whatsoever who have gotten therapy for one reason or another. Something's happened, like being laid off, or a death in the family, and they go to a therapist to help them cope. It's nothing shameful. (Or, look at the Woody Allen characters who are in analysis? Those characters made psychoanalysis one of the most fashionable ways to spend one's time and money.) Is it fear that you're not going to be able to face what you'll learn about yourself? That's part of my own fear surrounding therapy, Deneb, so I feel qualified to say that a good therapist will not overface you, and the fear about what horrible things might be in there is much worse than the fear involved in discovery. Are you afraid you'll have to work at it? Well, that's a legitimate fear, Deneb. If it's going to be successful, you will have to work. But it's not a bad thing, and you may find that you enjoy it.
Heck, Deneb -- think of this: someone whose job it is to listen to you, to pay attention to you, for an hour at a time! How bad can that be?
I hope you can challenge your thoughts tonight, especially since I would feel sad if anything bad happened to you.
poster:Racer
thread:663157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/663680.html