Posted by Deneb on July 2, 2006, at 18:41:56
In reply to Re: Not over first block yet *trigger* » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 4:28:21
> And what if you said this, instead of the above? ...but I just wanted you to know how hurt I feel. Saying "how hurt I feel" is slightly different from saying "how much *it* hurts me. The latter still places the hurt within the power of the other, in this case, Dr. Bob. Whereas expressing it as "how hurt I feel" puts the power of the hurt (and subsequently to heal) within you, where you have control over it.
I've never thought about it that way. I suppose there is a difference between feeling hurt and having something hurt me. I didn't consider that when I wrote my post. Is there anything that does hurt us? Or is it always that the person *feels* hurt. Certainly there are things that *cause* us to feel hurt...
If I were mugged, are you saying that instead of saying the mugging scared me, I should say, I felt scared when I was mugged?
> > I just wish you could say, "There, there, sorry you were hurt". :-(
>
> That kind of soothing usually does feel pretty good, doesn't it? The way you phrased it is quite evocative of a loving parent soothing a crying child. That's a sweet image. I hope you have images of that from your childhood.:-( Not really. My parents mainly ignored me when I cried.
>Every child deserves and needs this kind of soothing at times. Of course, as we grow older into adulthood, we more and more have to soothe ourselves.
I would rather someone soothe me. I'm not very good at soothing myself. I will try to learn though, because I have a feeling Dr. Bob isn't going to soothe me.
> One may also wish for the person "who hurt them" to do the soothing, sometimes as a way to "prove" that they still love them. So if the person doesn't provide the soothing, our thoughts get jumbled and skewed about them and about us.
I think if Dr. Bob doesn't soothe me that he must not care that I felt hurt. I know it's not his job to care. I just wish he did.
> But if a person's perspective is that "I feel hurt" versus "so and so hurt me", then it can lead smoothly into self-soothing. Whereas feeling "done to" tends to lead to feeling a need for someone to "make it up".
I don't like thinking that all the hurt I feel comes entirely from myself. I don't know why I would hurt myself so much. Does "I feel hurt" also mean I caused my own hurt? Can I say that the block(s) caused my hurt?
I'm going to try to self soothe by pretending to be Dr. Bob, is that okay?
Dr. Bob says, "There, there Deneb, sorry you felt hurt. I never wanted you to feel hurt."
(((((((((Deneb))))))))))
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:663157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/663620.html