Posted by Estella on May 7, 2006, at 0:07:09
In reply to Estella, posted by Deneb on May 6, 2006, at 23:45:29
Everyone is in their own little world. Hurts capture ones attention so the only thing one can properly focus on is ones hurt. And the hurt... Drives our behaviour. What to do to minimise the hurt? To distract from it? People who are broken or cracked or bent or whatever... They can be very selfish indeed as their hurts... And I'm talking about everyone. And if that is an uncivil fact then so be it.
And the altruism... The altruism that is offered is every bit as selfish as the other things people do to minimise the hurt. Because that is what the altruism is about. It is about trying to 'earn' the right to be loved. It is just as selfish as lashing out in hurt. It works better because people tend to be favouribly disposed to altruists whereas they tend to turn on people who lash out. But if you want to test the limits of altruism then if you ever lash out in pain... Well just see the altruists turn and flee. See them try to shape your behaviour...
And you end up with support support support
And in some cases incredible bitchiness behind the scenes
Out of the way
People learn to work the system
And they are rewarded
And really the world is a f*cked up place.I understand the desire to retreat... To find some peace in fantasy.
The danger in idealisation is that it tends to be followed by disillusionment and hostility and rage.
That is why it is worthwhile trying to moderate it. To find the balance. Enjoy the good feelings but maybe also reflect a little. A question I've been wanting to ask you is...
What is love?
What does 'love' mean to you?
There may well be different kinds of love. That is okay.But what is love?
> I'm probably sometimes that way too. I mean, there is only so much I can care about a stranger. I know I write about myself and my problems a lot. I don't offer as much support as others here. I acknowledge these things. I can only be me. I'm trying to be a more supportive person. I will admit that it does take effort.
I'm like that sometimes. And watch the people flee. Maybe it is because... I used to offer so much more... I did. And now... People want that back. They want that back. I think people would like it if there were people here who just went around helping others and being silent on themselves their own issues. People who weren't selfishly focused on themselves. People who just worried about them. Who were there on demand.
And how people would feel about that...
Would that be love?
> I just want to say that I really like you Estella. I like you whether you're being supportive or lashing out. I like you just the way you are, and that's the truth. I don't have to suspend my disbelief with you.((((Deneb))))
I'm so sorry this has happened to me :-(
I'm real scared.
I'm sorry.
> I know there are probably people here who write caring things to me and who really wouldn't miss me too much if I were to disappear. I like to pretend that all who write they care actually do care.Yeah. That worked for me for a while... Not any more...
> I'm choosing to live in some sort of fastasyland because it makes me happy.I hear you.
But the trouble with idealisation...
I don't know. I don't know. I"m sorry.
poster:Estella
thread:640823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060412/msgs/640831.html