Posted by Sad Sara on November 5, 2004, at 16:13:00
In reply to Re: I agree with Sad Sara. » Sad Sara, posted by crushedout on November 5, 2004, at 15:39:25
> the rule doesn't say you have to *intend* to accuse or put someone down -- i think it says something like "could lead" others to *feel* put down. it's actually a rather subjective standard.
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> saying "i think you are missing my point" would make me feel insulted, that i was stupid or not careful or whatever. i'm not dr. bob and dr. bob did not pbc the guy for this, but i personally would be offended by the post if i were mandinka. whether or not he deserves a pbc as a technical matter is purely a question for dr. bob. if i were running the site, i obviously would have given him one.
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> but you shouldn't structure what you do based on my opinions, unless your concern is being offensive to *me*. if that is your concern, i suggest not telling me i'm missing your point. i think there are much more diplomatic ways to get that same idea across. (e.g., "maybe i didn't make clear in my last post, but my point is...." some people may think this sounds like b.s., but phrasing stuff like that can make a big difference to recipients of messages. i'm actually not the most diplomatic person on these boards so i bet other people could explain this a lot better. :)
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>I don't think you talk BS, but for me your suggestion ("maybe i didn't make clear in my last post, but my point is...." ) and what the guy (I think you are missing my point) wrote has exactly the same meaning, maybe charlie thinks the same? I understand that intention is not viewed as really important, but I can't help thinking it is very important... if we get hurt even when people don't have the tinyest bit of intention in hurting, sarcasm, or otherwise offensiveness, but just has a bad way of phrasing him or herself... wouldn't we then either spend a lot of time in explaining the same over and over again, OR excluding a lot of people that COULD be a potential valuable contribution?
The reason I still have problems understanding why those two comments don't really wary in meaning is that I can't see "I think you are missing my point" as an attack on that person, no mor ethan I can see that medinkas misinterpretation of what that guy meant is an attack on that person....
poster:Sad Sara
thread:411881
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/412298.html