Posted by schleprock on January 24, 2013, at 20:45:40
In reply to disheartening psychiatrist appt., posted by g_g_g_unit on January 24, 2013, at 20:21:08
> So, I just met with my psychiatrist after a 4-week absence over Christmas etc. I told him that I hadn't responded well to Xanax (it seems to paradoxically activate me, once the initial sedation had worn off) and also informed him that I had upgraded my insurance to cover private hospitalization, which is something I was considering. He asked about my general condition and I said I had noticed a return of my usual depressive symptoms - leaden paralysis, amotivation, etc. - and informed him (as I've tried to several times) that my obsessive-compulsive intrusions are currently crippling and preventing me from functioning in any manner.
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> Now, I'm trying to be as rational as possible and take everything in stride, but I found his response to be extremely disheartening. If it makes any difference, he comes from a more analytic/psychodynamic background, but he suggested that the obsessions were acting as a way for me to prevent coming to terms with more salient problems like a general lack of responsibility on my part; a chronic, idealized dependence on medication to 'fix' me etc.
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> In a sense he is right -- those issues exist -- but he is also failing to acknowledge how utterly debilitating my anxiety has become. The obsessions aren't some secondary gain; they prevent me from even having the *luxury* of attending to other stuff that's going on in my life because I barely feel in contact with reality 95% of the time.
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> He said that he will no longer prescribe me medication, but will offer to treat me psychotherapeutically. He was also against hospitalization, though did offer did refer me onto a more experienced psychopharmacologist, with the disclaimer that he simply saw it as another "dead end" and that, unless I took responsibility for my illness, I would never get better.
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> I don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope, barely surviving trying to contend with my anxiety, and had been desperately waiting for this appointment in the hope that some resolution might be achieved (e.g. hospitalization, or revisiting other medication etc.). He is right -- I don't want to be sick, I hate the person I am who is forced to contend with a debilitating psychiatric illness, and it instills a deep, driving bitterness in me. But I also acknowledge that my expectations of medication had perhaps previously been unrealistic and I had gone there today with the idea in mind that I would "settle for less".
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> I don't know what to do, like I say, my anxiety is insane, I am so morbidly depressed that I am barely taking care of myself anymore, and I just don't have the strength or reserve to seek out another psychiatrist; it took me forever to find this guy and while I was never completely comfortable with him, I liked him more than anyone I'd seen previously. Now I feel completely lost and abandoned.
>
>Sue him.
poster:schleprock
thread:1036417
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130124/msgs/1036420.html