Posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:31:25
In reply to head spinning, posted by NikkiT2 on October 26, 2004, at 10:56:36
Oh, Nikki! I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Although I don't know exactly what you're experiencing, I did go through the whole bad pap smear myself, including the biopsy, etc. That was ever so much fun -- especially since the doctors involved did that whole "scare the patient silly with all the bad things that will likely happen after" thing. They told me to have children right away, if I ever wanted them, because it would likely lead to full blown uterine cancer within a short time! That was 15 years ago, and there's no sign of any of the sorts of things they warned me about -- not one. To add to the stress of that period, though, I was in a strange place at work -- my boss was leaving, and her replacement was a "new broom" type: he didn't want any of "her" people in his department, and I got the call about the biopsy within an hour of giving in my notice! To make matters worse, I had to have pap tests every three months for a year -- except that none of them came back with a straight answer! Every one of them, for about two and a half years, came back with something like "inconclusive" on them, AND a doctor who did the test also told me my uterus was enlarged and in a 'weird position' -- thank you, doctor, for your incredible tact and compassion. That, of course, freaked me out beyond belief for a long time. Turns out my uterus is 'tipped', but it's very common and doesn't mean anything. Also turns out that a bad technique can screw up a pap test. Furthermore, turns out the uterus gets a bit enlarged at certain periods in one's cycle.
And, more to the point, turns out that "bad pap tests" are very common, and generally don't mean all that much. Even if they do find dysplasia -- which is just a fancy name meaning little more than enthusiastic cell growth -- more than two thirds of all women with full blown cervical dysplasia have NO adverse aftereffects. None, zip, nada, they're just fine forever after. Once I finally learned that little gem, I felt a lot better about it. Of course, it helped that all my pap tests have been fine since those first couple of years of bad technique.
I hope that you can forego the really insensitive doctor part, but have the same good outcome I did. In fact, I gave you all the details so that you wouldn't be so freaked out if you happened to see the doctors I saw...
As for the other "lump" -- there are all sorts of things that can be, quite apart from the Scary One. I know -- remember the lumps on my liver? "suspicious for malignancy" earlier this year? -- that it won't help to say, "Put it out of your mind until you can get the tests done..." I wish saying that was enough. The best I can say is this: you have my very best wishes, and you're in my thoughts and my heart. If you need anything that can be sent from California, just ask. (Or, better yet, come over here, stay in our guest room, and we'll take it one step at a time to get you back to your full SuperPowers...)
My mother has that sort of voice -- and compounds it by refusing to wear her glasses! She glares at people and sound accusing. Great, huh? She's really and truly just squinting, and the accusatory tone is her own insecurity. Can you remind yourself that the tone your boss uses might be her own insecurity? Maybe if you approach her as the insecure one, and focus on helping her feel secure, it might help all the way around? Sometimes I do that with Mom, now that I've learned it from my students -- making their insecurity my focus helped me feel more confident.
Just a few thoughts, and a story...
Nikki, my dear one, you have my very best wishes and thoughts coming atcha.
poster:Racer
thread:407427
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/408481.html