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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:12:49
I think I just lost a friend.
I'm just really upset!
I hate this!
What do I do?
I'm upset! Mean! Mean! Mean!
I want to die for a few hours. I can't stand this!
I'm immature! I can't help it! I hate X. I hate X! I hate X! Mean! Mean! Mean!
Help me!
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
In reply to I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:12:49
I'm having a breakdown! Aaahhhhh!
HELP ME!
I'm angry at this person. I'm not talking to this person again.
Someone hurt me. I'm hurt. I'm hurt. I hate this. I'm crying. I'm crazy. I'm immature. I can't stop crying.
Damit, I blew my nose too hard. Now I have a nosebleed.
Who is my friend? If you're my friend, will you let me know here? I need friends.
I'm trustworthy aren't I?
I don't think I really have friends on Babble. Not real friends. :-( Who will be my real friend? I need real friends.
I have no friends. No one wants to babblemail me with their problems. No one trusts me.
I don't know how to get real friends. No one wants to tell me their address. No one trusts me. No one is my real friend. If you'll be my real friend, I'll give you my address and phone number. Who wants to be my real friend?
I need friends!
I hate this. I'm upset. I don't have any friends.
Posted by rjlockhart on April 25, 2007, at 1:58:10
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
Deneb, many people have hurt me in the past.
Your not a bad person, you "think" in your head that you are because of your mind's perception of what you think of yourself. If you think of youself goodly, or high, you will have better self esteem. Forget, try to rethink a situation logically, what should you do, instead of what you want to to do. Im not goodie toshueing around.
Ask the lord for help. Pray.
Dont have panic attacks and get worked up over what someone has done to you. God will make sure they get there judgement in time.
Many people have talked about me, i get thoughts in my head what i am going to do to them......
1)psychially attack them
2)Humuliate them in frount of many people to see what they have done.
3)Put them in there place.But all these things are revenge desires.
If it does get out of hand, i agree you can call there cards for what they have done, like when i was in high school, a girl hated me for no reason she started horrid rumors im not going to say, i never did anything about it. It should of been time for her to shut up and be put in her place. I just didnt have the guts to do it. Today she would of had posters that she was a liar all around the school.
Think out what happened, and think compromise. Think what maybe that person did to you or you did to them, just work it out.
Dont sit and torchure your mind over it, but think about it a little, logically,
When the time comes tell this person what you think.
rj
Posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2007, at 11:43:55
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
Deneb I'm your friend did you sleep last night and do you feel better today? Love Phillipa
Posted by Angela2 on April 25, 2007, at 14:25:16
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
Deneb,
I sent you a babblemail.
Posted by Racer on April 25, 2007, at 14:31:47
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
Hey, Kiddo, I hope you're feeling better now. It's sucky, isn't it? Feeling so bad?
> I'm having a breakdown! Aaahhhhh!No, Honey -- you're not having a breakdown, you're just experiencing a ton of strong emotions, and that feels pretty horrible if you don't know what to do with them. That's what you're working on, though, isn't it? Learning ways to cope with strong emotions?
Posting about it here is one way, and I think it's been helpful to you, hasn't it?
> I'm angry at this person.OK, you've identified one part of the emotion -- anger.
>
> Someone hurt me. I'm hurt. I'm hurt.And this is probably the bigger part of the emotion -- you feel hurt by this interaction.
Deneb, I don't know if it is helpful or not for you, but I find it helpful to try to work out how much is hurt, and how much is anger, and what is it about the interaction that I felt hurt by? Is it something that I'm afraid might be true? Or is it something I know is false, so I feel unheard or unseen? Do I feel hurt because I had expectations which weren't met? Sometimes working that out helps me a lot, at least in figuring out what to do in future to avoid feeling so wretched.
> I hate this. I'm crying. I'm crazy. I'm immature. I can't stop crying.
OK... I know you hate this, and crying can be scary. But you know what? You're not crazy. You're just hurting and don't know how to soothe yourself. Yet. You're learning, and I have faith in you.
Here's a story: I was out with my mother, at an event where she was very nervous, and was around a lot of people who've intimidated her for decades. After, I said, "Well, if it's any consolation, you look at least ten years younger than any of the other women there." She snapped back at me, "Well, there are benefits to immaturity!" Think of that next time you criticise yourself for being "immature," 'K? See if that helps.
> Who is my friend? If you're my friend, will you let me know here? I need friends.
>Yes, you do need friends. We all need friends. The hard part is learning to recognize those who are worthy of friendship, those who will be responsive to our overtures of friendship. That just takes time. ANd, unfortunately, getting smacked by the wrong'uns from time to time. But remember, too, that friendship has to be a two way street. That means that some people you'd like to have as friends won't be interested. Sorry -- it's part of life.
>
> I don't think I really have friends on Babble. Not real friends. :-( Who will be my real friend? I need real friends.Define your terms, Kiddo. What do you mean by "real friends?" Do you mean someone to have lunch with and go shopping with? Nope, I'm not your real friend, then. You know why? I live 3000 miles or more away from you! Makes those lunch dates kinda hard, you know? If you mean someone who cares what happens to you, then yes -- you have plenty of real friends here.
I think you forget that when you get upset, and you extrapolate from ONE person to EVERYONE. "So'N'So doesn't like me -- NO ONE likes me!" At the moment it happens, that may be how it feels, but it's not true. Can you put up a Post It note on your computer, saying, "Racer Cares What Happens To Me?" It's true, and maybe it would help you remember when you're upset that it's not everyone.
>
> I have no friends. No one wants to babblemail me with their problems. No one trusts me.Or... Maybe no one babblemails you for some other reason? Maybe it's not only used for problems? Maybe space aliens are involved somehow, but I'm too loopy today to figure out how to slip them in there ;-)
Deneb, trust is a very loaded thing on these boards. By now you know that, right? What do you mean by trust? That no one will give you their address? I won't, certainly, because I don't give ANYONE here my address. Mostly, I don't even give out my email address, and often I won't tell others with whom I do email what my name is! That doesn't diminish the regard I feel for them, or the affection -- it only means that I hold back information that might leave me vulnerable. I'm sure a lot of people are like that, too. That's not about you -- it's about personal safety on the internet.
>
> I hate this. I'm upset. I don't have any friends.
>
>OHNO!!! Catastrophe! Deneb, I really hope you feel better by now. You know that there are a lot of shades of grey in there, right? ONE person does not equal EVERYONE on the planet.
But I hate that you're upset, too. I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already.
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:13:57
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by rjlockhart on April 25, 2007, at 1:58:10
Thanks for the babblemail Matt. You're so sweet.
You're so right, I need to stop torturing myself over this. I have to think logically.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:15:12
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2007, at 11:43:55
> Deneb I'm your friend did you sleep last night and do you feel better today? Love Phillipa
I didn't sleep until like 5 am, but I finally did sleep some. Thanks for being my friend Phillipa. You're always there for us.
I feel better today.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:16:22
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Angela2 on April 25, 2007, at 14:25:16
Thanks Angela. I'll send you one too. Thanks for making me feel better.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:48:14
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now » Deneb, posted by Racer on April 25, 2007, at 14:31:47
I can't get into specifics, but here is what happened:
I got worried about person X. Friend Y learns something about person X and tells me to easy my worry. I then tell the world about part of what I've learned about person X. I thought it was OK to tell the world this. I was worried the world was also worried about X. Friend Y gets upset that I told and now friend Y says he/she will never tell me stuff he/she wouldn't want the world to know. I get super upset because I think Y is no longer my friend.
I talked to Y and Y is still my friend, only Y will never tell me secrets again. I'm upset I hurt Y and I'm upset Y doesn't trust me anymore. I'm angry at Y too. I sort of told Y something along the lines of, "Fine, if you won't tell me stuff, I won't tell you stuff either! So there!" Rationally I know I must have poor judgement when it comes to disclosing stuff so I shouldn't be so upset that Y is no longer going to tell me secrets, but emotionally I'm like a little kid and just hate this. Person Y is very understanding, but I still feel like I don't want to be friends with Y for a while b/c I'm angry Y won't tell me secrets anymore. But...it's all my own fault.
> Hey, Kiddo, I hope you're feeling better now. It's sucky, isn't it? Feeling so bad?
Yeah, it really sucks. Thanks for listening and responding Racer. You always give really good advice.
> > I'm having a breakdown! Aaahhhhh!
>
> No, Honey -- you're not having a breakdown, you're just experiencing a ton of strong emotions, and that feels pretty horrible if you don't know what to do with them. That's what you're working on, though, isn't it? Learning ways to cope with strong emotions?
>
> Posting about it here is one way, and I think it's been helpful to you, hasn't it?I think I need to find ways other than venting to cope with strong emotions. Venting might hurt more people. I need to learn to tolerate negative emotions on my own eventually.
>
> > I'm angry at this person.
>
> OK, you've identified one part of the emotion -- anger.
>
> >
> > Someone hurt me. I'm hurt. I'm hurt.
>
> And this is probably the bigger part of the emotion -- you feel hurt by this interaction.
>
> Deneb, I don't know if it is helpful or not for you, but I find it helpful to try to work out how much is hurt, and how much is anger, and what is it about the interaction that I felt hurt by? Is it something that I'm afraid might be true? Or is it something I know is false, so I feel unheard or unseen? Do I feel hurt because I had expectations which weren't met? Sometimes working that out helps me a lot, at least in figuring out what to do in future to avoid feeling so wretched.I'm afraid I might be untrustworthy because of poor judgement and I'm hurt that Y doesn't trust me anymore.
>
> > I hate this. I'm crying. I'm crazy. I'm immature. I can't stop crying.
>
> OK... I know you hate this, and crying can be scary. But you know what? You're not crazy. You're just hurting and don't know how to soothe yourself. Yet. You're learning, and I have faith in you.Thanks Racer. I had a chat with Y and Y understands. We're still friends. I'm sorry I hurt Y. I'm trying to see things from Y's point of view.
>
> Here's a story: I was out with my mother, at an event where she was very nervous, and was around a lot of people who've intimidated her for decades. After, I said, "Well, if it's any consolation, you look at least ten years younger than any of the other women there." She snapped back at me, "Well, there are benefits to immaturity!" Think of that next time you criticise yourself for being "immature," 'K? See if that helps.LOL, I'll try that. Thanks Racer.
> Define your terms, Kiddo. What do you mean by "real friends?" Do you mean someone to have lunch with and go shopping with? Nope, I'm not your real friend, then. You know why? I live 3000 miles or more away from you! Makes those lunch dates kinda hard, you know? If you mean someone who cares what happens to you, then yes -- you have plenty of real friends here.
Yeah, you're right. Thanks for being my friend.
>
> I think you forget that when you get upset, and you extrapolate from ONE person to EVERYONE. "So'N'So doesn't like me -- NO ONE likes me!" At the moment it happens, that may be how it feels, but it's not true. Can you put up a Post It note on your computer, saying, "Racer Cares What Happens To Me?" It's true, and maybe it would help you remember when you're upset that it's not everyone.I do that a lot. When I think one person doesn't like me, I think the whole world doesn't like me anymore. In this case I thought I lost a Y as a friend, but I didn't. Y just doesn't trust me anymore, but it's all my own fault.
Thanks for caring Racer.
> Deneb, trust is a very loaded thing on these boards. By now you know that, right? What do you mean by trust? That no one will give you their address? I won't, certainly, because I don't give ANYONE here my address. Mostly, I don't even give out my email address, and often I won't tell others with whom I do email what my name is! That doesn't diminish the regard I feel for them, or the affection -- it only means that I hold back information that might leave me vulnerable. I'm sure a lot of people are like that, too. That's not about you -- it's about personal safety on the internet.
I just get upset sometimes because I think everyone is babblemailing everyone all the time and know tons about each other. Maybe I'm wrong, I dunno.
> But I hate that you're upset, too. I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already.
Thanks Racer. I do feel better now.
Deneb
Posted by Racer on April 25, 2007, at 18:29:35
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now » Racer, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:48:14
>
> I just get upset sometimes because I think everyone is babblemailing everyone all the time and know tons about each other. Maybe I'm wrong, I dunno.
>lol I certainly hope everyone isn't babblemailing everyone else! I virtually never receive babblemails, so if everyone is babblemailing everyone else, then I guess I'm an outcast, too!
I'm glad you talked to your friend. Good luck.
Posted by Kath on April 25, 2007, at 19:43:20
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now » Racer, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 16:48:14
You can add my name to a post-it note on your computer also!!
If a friend cares about how you feel & what happens in your life, count me in!!
And by the way, this initial post of yours was very different in a way from how you have reacted in the past to feeling badly.
I heard you talking about how you're feeling; talking about what happened etc.
I'm really glad the Y is still your friend. And you know, having & not tell you things that & doesn't want out in the general-public isn't that bad a thing!! It saves you the stress of having to NOT tell stuff. It sounds like Y likes your friendship enough to forgive you for telling, and to come up with a solution other than ending your friendship!!
You must be a 'worth it' friend to Y.
That doesn't surprise me!
lots of hugs, Kath
As to everyone babblemailing everyone, occasionally I'll get a babblemail, but not very often. I suspect that's the case for a lot of us.
And I hardly ever send them. To tell you the truth, by the time I read all the posts I want to & reply to the ones I want to, the time just flies. If I get into babblemailing also I just wouldn't have time.
xoxoxo Kath
Posted by Fivefires on April 25, 2007, at 20:18:38
In reply to Glad you're feeling better Deneb » Deneb, posted by Kath on April 25, 2007, at 19:43:20
Yeah Deneb ... even if 'I'm' person X Y or Z, whatever 'those math letters are called', been there too, and luv ya still!
5f
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