Posted by Racer on April 25, 2007, at 14:31:47
In reply to Re: I'm sooo upset right now, posted by Deneb on April 25, 2007, at 1:32:54
Hey, Kiddo, I hope you're feeling better now. It's sucky, isn't it? Feeling so bad?
> I'm having a breakdown! Aaahhhhh!No, Honey -- you're not having a breakdown, you're just experiencing a ton of strong emotions, and that feels pretty horrible if you don't know what to do with them. That's what you're working on, though, isn't it? Learning ways to cope with strong emotions?
Posting about it here is one way, and I think it's been helpful to you, hasn't it?
> I'm angry at this person.OK, you've identified one part of the emotion -- anger.
>
> Someone hurt me. I'm hurt. I'm hurt.And this is probably the bigger part of the emotion -- you feel hurt by this interaction.
Deneb, I don't know if it is helpful or not for you, but I find it helpful to try to work out how much is hurt, and how much is anger, and what is it about the interaction that I felt hurt by? Is it something that I'm afraid might be true? Or is it something I know is false, so I feel unheard or unseen? Do I feel hurt because I had expectations which weren't met? Sometimes working that out helps me a lot, at least in figuring out what to do in future to avoid feeling so wretched.
> I hate this. I'm crying. I'm crazy. I'm immature. I can't stop crying.
OK... I know you hate this, and crying can be scary. But you know what? You're not crazy. You're just hurting and don't know how to soothe yourself. Yet. You're learning, and I have faith in you.
Here's a story: I was out with my mother, at an event where she was very nervous, and was around a lot of people who've intimidated her for decades. After, I said, "Well, if it's any consolation, you look at least ten years younger than any of the other women there." She snapped back at me, "Well, there are benefits to immaturity!" Think of that next time you criticise yourself for being "immature," 'K? See if that helps.
> Who is my friend? If you're my friend, will you let me know here? I need friends.
>Yes, you do need friends. We all need friends. The hard part is learning to recognize those who are worthy of friendship, those who will be responsive to our overtures of friendship. That just takes time. ANd, unfortunately, getting smacked by the wrong'uns from time to time. But remember, too, that friendship has to be a two way street. That means that some people you'd like to have as friends won't be interested. Sorry -- it's part of life.
>
> I don't think I really have friends on Babble. Not real friends. :-( Who will be my real friend? I need real friends.Define your terms, Kiddo. What do you mean by "real friends?" Do you mean someone to have lunch with and go shopping with? Nope, I'm not your real friend, then. You know why? I live 3000 miles or more away from you! Makes those lunch dates kinda hard, you know? If you mean someone who cares what happens to you, then yes -- you have plenty of real friends here.
I think you forget that when you get upset, and you extrapolate from ONE person to EVERYONE. "So'N'So doesn't like me -- NO ONE likes me!" At the moment it happens, that may be how it feels, but it's not true. Can you put up a Post It note on your computer, saying, "Racer Cares What Happens To Me?" It's true, and maybe it would help you remember when you're upset that it's not everyone.
>
> I have no friends. No one wants to babblemail me with their problems. No one trusts me.Or... Maybe no one babblemails you for some other reason? Maybe it's not only used for problems? Maybe space aliens are involved somehow, but I'm too loopy today to figure out how to slip them in there ;-)
Deneb, trust is a very loaded thing on these boards. By now you know that, right? What do you mean by trust? That no one will give you their address? I won't, certainly, because I don't give ANYONE here my address. Mostly, I don't even give out my email address, and often I won't tell others with whom I do email what my name is! That doesn't diminish the regard I feel for them, or the affection -- it only means that I hold back information that might leave me vulnerable. I'm sure a lot of people are like that, too. That's not about you -- it's about personal safety on the internet.
>
> I hate this. I'm upset. I don't have any friends.
>
>OHNO!!! Catastrophe! Deneb, I really hope you feel better by now. You know that there are a lot of shades of grey in there, right? ONE person does not equal EVERYONE on the planet.
But I hate that you're upset, too. I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already.
poster:Racer
thread:753202
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070421/msgs/753293.html