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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:36:56
Today was pretty terrible.
I feel so alone. And I feel like no one can help me. I saw my therapist today and I felt worse when I left. I've been seeing her for 2 months and I still am just not sure, but I keep telling myself to keep with her for a while longer... but on the other hand I really don't want to be wasting my time and money. Lately I've been thinking maybe I should just quit therapy altogether. It would save me a lot of money, which would be really good because I feel really poor right now, and there just keeps being more and more to pay for.
I don't even know, you guys. I feel so terrible. I feel so distant from my family in some ways because they just don't know/understand about the gravity and severity of my depression. And now I don't feel so great about my relationship with my best friend. I saw her over this past weekend and I felt like it wasn't really fun, and I felt distant from her too.
I feel like I want to quit my DBT group.
There is so little joy in my life, so much pain, and how is it ever going to change? Reading the posts above about thirty minutes of normalcy really made me think "wow, I totally don't have that". Gabbi said something about realizing the burden she carries the rest of the time, and I feel exactly the same way. I am so "heavy-hearted" (as opposed to light hearted). I don't even know what that normalcy might feel like and I wonder if I ever will.
I didn't have a good time on my vacation, and now I'm back to the hellishness of my life. I've really crashed over the past week or so. Is it always going to be like this? I think pretty seriously about killing myself several times a day, but it is basically always on my mind. Over the weekend, it was the worst and I sort of couldn't get it off of my mind. At one point when I was being really quiet my sister asked me what I was thinking about in her cheerful way, and I think I said "nothing much" because I really couldn't say "killing myself".
I don't know if I can stand much more of this. I really need help. But I've been trying desperately to get help for years and it just doesn't ever seem to be enough because nothing has gotten any better.
Posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 8:08:40
In reply to pain pain go away, posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:36:56
(((((yesac)))))
I can really understand your hesitance when your sister asked what was wrong. Somehow "Thinking about killing myself" just isn't a real sociable thing to say.
Can you tell us a little more about your therapist? What is she like? How has she made you feel better in the past? What did you need her to do that she didn't? I just changed therapists after 8 1/2 years. It was/is hard, but it can be the right thing to do.
You sound like you are in a lot of pain. I just saw you had a post below. I'll go check it out.
Posted by yesac on July 10, 2003, at 16:54:18
In reply to Re: pain pain go away » yesac, posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 8:08:40
> I can really understand your hesitance when your sister asked what was wrong. Somehow "Thinking about killing myself" just isn't a real sociable thing to say.No, it sure isn't!
>
> Can you tell us a little more about your therapist? What is she like? How has she made you feel better in the past? What did you need her to do that she didn't?I don't know. I can't figure it out. I actually woke up at 4am last night and couldn't get back to sleep for an hour because I was obsessing over this, and missing my former therapist, and trying to compare/contrast. My new therapist is quite different from the others I've had in the past. She is rather open about her own life, just mentioning things here and there about her kids and husband and other stuff. She also seems more opinionated and less reserved than the others. I can't figure out if I like this. So far, she hasn't done anything to annoy me or piss me off, and she's been supportive and seems to really care... but I'm just not sure I'm feeling it. She hasn't done or said anything that has really clicked for me either. YOu know how sometimes, they just say these things or make some little comment and it really hits home?
I am rather distressed over this whole situation. I think maybe I'll give it another month or two. Hopefully, things will become more clear by then as to if she's right for me.
Posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 20:34:09
In reply to Re: pain pain go away » fallsfall, posted by yesac on July 10, 2003, at 16:54:18
You are right that two therapists can be really different.
I went from CBT to Psychodynamic (on purpose), so I'm trying to figure out what is different because of the individuals and what is different because of the theory. Today was hard because he started to push a little (this is probably a good thing, but it doesn't feel good). She was more warm and supportive. He is more "blank screen" (well, not totally, but not a lot of facial expression). I know I need a change so I'm trying to get used to it. And he has made a couple of comments already (5 sessions) that I thought showed a lot of insight.
I think you are right to give it some time before deciding. You don't want to stay if the chemistry isn't helpful, but you don't want to bail when you are still laying the groundwork. Have you talked to her about it? She might be able to explain why she does certain things, or she might be able to shift in order to fit with you better. Does she do the same type of therapy as your past therapists?
Hard decisions.
Posted by noa on July 11, 2003, at 19:52:54
In reply to Re: pain pain go away » fallsfall, posted by yesac on July 10, 2003, at 16:54:18
I'm so sorry you are in such pain.
I wonder if it would make sense to try out another therapist for comparison--to see if it feels any better. The therapist's style might not be the best one for you. Or maybe you will get used to her. But maybe you should go for a consult with another one just to check out if it feels any better.
Posted by yesac on July 12, 2003, at 14:24:53
In reply to Re: pain pain go away » yesac, posted by noa on July 11, 2003, at 19:52:54
> I wonder if it would make sense to try out another therapist for comparison--to see if it feels any better. The therapist's style might not be the best one for you. Or maybe you will get used to her. But maybe you should go for a consult with another one just to check out if it feels any better.Yeah, actually, when my old therapist left at the end of April, I searched for a little while to find a new one. I saw 4 different therapists for one or two sessions each (I know that's not a lot, but I just didn't want to go overboard), and I decided on this one as the best option. There was another that I did like and felt like she could be good, except she didn't seem to have very good times available, so that was the main problem. It's tough... I hope I can get it figured out.
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